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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    blackandbluelover New Member

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    Break up song

    A quiet evening with no one to hold
    Time passes so slowly when you’re alone.
    Practising a smile in front of the mirror
    But you can’t even fool the girl staring back at you
    It’s such a shame to waste time on your own
    But time is all you have left when your left at home.

    It’s just another break up song
    For a different time of year
    I’m getting sick of the lyrics already
    And I’m tired of the tune.
    It’s simply not a classic
    It’s too predictable.

    This break up song’s a cliché
    And the verses sound the same.
    Let’s screw this page up and
    Write a new anthem.
    Only we will know the words.

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    I don't think this is cliche.
    I like it but the last line should be,
    "only WE will know the words."
    Great write, enjoyed!


    Posted By Moonchild | Mar 6, 2008
    #2
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I like the lyrics...for a break up song...this has a really rhthmic flow to it and I can hear the song...thanks for sharing.

    Nomad
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    The last verse in particular is quite memorable. Very nice poetry here and "flows" with a natural sense about it. Thank you for sharing this.

    Kimberly :)

    Terence Member

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    Hi Alice, I don't think you should advertise the cliche in the title, let the reader decide that - and I didn't find it cliche. Nice imagery and feeling. Well done, Terence


    Posted By Terence | Mar 17, 2008
    #5

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