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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by Aumakua, Sep 9, 2007.



    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Hush now darling, hurry to sleep,
    There’s someone you’ve been wanting to meet,
    Drift off now, to your crimson dreams,
    Hug your little teddy, torn at its seams,

    Wake wake now, Its finally begun,
    Trapped in your dreams, there’s nowhere to run,
    Crimson snow falling gentley overhead,
    We all know that soon you’ll be dead,

    Wander endlessly, there’s nowhere to go,
    From the gray sky falls crimson snow,
    Here there’s no such thing as a garden of roses,
    Grab your gun and make suicidal poses,

    Everything you touch turns to ash,
    Snow building up on the eye of your lash,
    Tormented by nightmares, haunted by life,
    You know the only way out is the knife,

    Trembling and cold, you try to awake,
    To go back and live a life so fake,
    A deceiving smile, secrets you keep,
    The wounds in your heart are just too deep,

    Please don’t struggle, Please don’t fight,
    I promise you my dear it’ll be alright,
    There we go, make bigger gashes,
    Snow falling on all of your lashes,

    Bleed crimson like the tainted snow,
    Heaven isn’t where good girls go,
    It’s all a lie, none of it’s true,
    Life was a lie but you already knew,

    Now that you’re dying you feel love,
    Your bed drenched in crimson blood,
    Hold on to teddy, hold him tight,
    I told you everything would be alright,

    Your dreams start fading as the blood flows,
    When your life is hell this is how the end goes,
    But still you smile, Can you tell me why?
    When now you should be saying your final goodbye,

    Ohh it’s too late, your heart has stopped,
    And from your hand the knife has dropped,
    Now teddy’s alone, poor little bear,
    He was the only one that truly did care…


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 9, 2007
    #1

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Wow...I like this too.
    Kinda morbid but I like it.
    Awesome dark write and I like the dark ones.
    Totally enjoyed every word of this, thanks!


    Posted By Moonchild | Sep 10, 2007
    #2
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Oh, man, all these suicide pieces are so sad. Brings hopelessness to a whole new level when it ends like this. Very gripping piece...I had to read it twice...superb rhyming and beat!

    Nomad

    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Yay thanks both of you for reading it and commenting ^^


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 15, 2007
    #4
  2. Cheeky

    lasher Member

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    Hey now Aumakua,

    Wow, and now for something completely different....
    How did I miss this one? Fantastic.. I've been readin' your poetry and all I can say is...Gripping, Flowing, Realistic and Amazing - oh, did I say wow......

    Great writing, enjoyeed mucho....


    Posted By lasher | Sep 23, 2007
    #5

    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Yayness!! ^^ Glad chu likied it :D and thanks for the comment =]


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 23, 2007
    #6

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    awesome dark write Aumakua wonderfully written
    hugs kisses
    bear
    ps gentley should be gently


    Posted By Bear | Sep 24, 2007
    #7

    Jims Inn Jims Inn

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    hi aumakua ... if this is just a poem then as moonchild said ... dark ... deep and beautiful ...

    if it isn't just a poem then its darker ... deeper and dangerous ...

    you know who to ask if you need to ask ...

    luv ya!

    jim


    Posted By Jims Inn | Sep 24, 2007
    #8

    Benny New Member

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    Dark and intriguing...almost could feel myself being pulled into a nightmare myself.


    Posted By Benny | Sep 24, 2007
    #9

    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Damn spelling mistake... that's for pointing that out =D I'll be sure to triple check my work =]

    Keep in mind Mr.Jims my poetry is never just poetry...

    Thanks for the comments everyone ^^


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 26, 2007
    #10

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