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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Aumakua, Oct 2, 2007.



    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Dark Skies

    [IMG]

    Silent requiem,
    Of gray stricken teal,
    Deadly bondage,
    Of silver steel,

    Beautifully spoken words,
    Of many lies,
    Innocently mistaken outlook,
    On many tries,

    Broken pieces lay,
    Of a fragile soul,
    Drained of all emotion,
    Eyes resemble coal,

    Sick little suicide,
    Oh why did you do it?
    Dark little suicide,
    Why did you do it?

    Razor-thin kisses,
    Over trembling skin,
    Reoccurring symphony,
    Of secrets held within,

    Cry out, “No one cares!”
    I do! I do!
    But you were never listening,
    So you never knew,

    Foreshadowing requiem,
    On a forsaken night,
    Weary soul fallen,
    After a deadly plight,

    Struggle to awake,
    Please don’t let it be so!
    You enchant me with a kiss,
    And whisper, “It’s time to go…”


    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 2, 2007
    #1

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    OMG Riha,

    This is so good. I'm trying to choose a stanza I like best to quote, but they are all so good. I like the rhyme scheme you've used. It's especially effective in the final stanza.

    "Struggle to awake,
    Please don’t let it be so!
    You enchant me with a kiss,
    And whisper, “It’s time to go…”

    Very creative use of rhyme and pattern. This is a beautiful picture of a soul reaching out and pulling through emotional distress. You are poetress magnifisque.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 2, 2007
    #2
  1. Cheeky

    lasher Member

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    Hey now Riha,

    All I can say is WOW.... This is fantastic - your line breaks and wording are perfection on paper.... Such a smooth read, and the story being told sends shivers up my spine.
    Fave - Razor thin kisses, over trembling skin, Reoccuring symphony, Of secrets held within.
    Damn! Nice penning Riha......................................................................


    Posted By lasher | Oct 2, 2007
    #3

    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Thanks you two for reading and commenting so much ^-^ Much appreciated =)


    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 3, 2007
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    deep_poet86 Endless Rewind

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    WOW I love your poetry so much, its really good. I loved the last stanza it was a great ending, good work!


    Posted By deep_poet86 | Oct 5, 2007
    #5

    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Yayness =D Thankies for reading and teh comment ^^


    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 6, 2007
    #6

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Riha,
    Is that eye picture an image off the web, or is that your photo. It's very fitting to the poem.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 6, 2007
    #7

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