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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Terryanne Chebet New Member

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2008
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    venue; My fave club
    time: midnight

    it may have been dark
    i may have been a little tipsy
    it may have been hot
    i may have been wanting
    it may have been tempting
    i may have been a little tease
    But it was not right
    that ring on your finger
    even when removed
    in the dark, glistened, into your pocket
    still, my want, it rises
    dark, tipsy, hot, wanting, tempting, tease....
    but, not you, not right

  1. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    First, the fact you turned down a married man has earned my respect since I'm a married woman, lol. I read this poem, read it was midnight at your favorite club, usually a time for deciding who you will take home (a really great help by the way) and read on.

    I like the way you set up the scene and how you were feeling in the lines which started with "it" and "i". You said it was dark, hot and a bit tempting, you were tipsy and looking for love. You saw the indentation or something which let you know he'd just taken the ring off his finger and decided no matter how much you wanted him, a married man was not what you wanted.

    You painted vivid images with real emotions for us to feel. Very good! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!

    hugs,
    Gail

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Lips turn to prose
    You killed off his luck

    this was a nice take,

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