Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!

Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Moonchild, Feb 3, 2008.



    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2007
    Message Count:
    451
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0

    [IMG]

    ~DEAD WAIT~

    I'll wait for you till stars burn out
    and rivers run no more.
    I'll wait for you to come back home
    when you walk out the door.

    When distance separates us two,
    I'll close my eyes and dream.
    I'll wait till time brings us near
    and moon no longer casts a beam.

    I've waited all my life for you
    that forever seems like a day
    and I will wait that forever out,
    in death with you I'll stay.

    You could cage me like a bird
    and I would love you still.
    I would wait a bag of bones,
    even in death you are my thrill.

    I'll wait for you till rain turns green
    and earth is through with blue.
    Even if I lost my memory I would wait for you.
    You have a way about you that shines like Heavens hue.

    When this life is through with me
    and I am dead to the core,
    when patience is no longer a virtue
    I will wait no more.

    © October 11, 2005 Karen Davies


    Posted By Moonchild | Feb 3, 2008
    #1

  1. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 20, 2006
    Message Count:
    679
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Location:
    In a trailer, on a hill.
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +37 / 0 / -0
    I had thought several stanzas in this had the meter thrown off enough to distract me, but then I read it out loud and discovered how wrong I was! The flow is even, meter is consistent, it's easy to read, each line and stanza forwards the message in the poem!

    I thought this a lovely, romantic, I will wait forever poem. The last stanza, I thought so clear and totally sums up the preceding stanzas. So beautiful!

    When this life is through with me
    and I am dead to the core,
    when patience is no longer a virtue
    I will wait no more.

    The only nit I found was: 'Heavens hue.' should be 'Heaven's hue.'

    Great job, Moonchild!
    Gail


    Posted By butchiesmom | Feb 3, 2008
    #2

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2007
    Message Count:
    451
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Hi Gail,

    I'm glad you went through and read and reread
    even though you stumbled at first to see it's really not so bad.
    I thank you for that and your kind reply. I'm glad you liked it
    and enjoyed. Thanks for pointing out that little typo, will fix it.

    Take Care,
    Karen


    Posted By Moonchild | Feb 3, 2008
    #3

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Message Count:
    498
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    I really like this. I like the devotion to the companion and the understanding nature of the writer. Too many people give up these days. I admire this person. I've been waiting a long time for my boyfriend to return. Part of me thinks kind like this, part of me wants to quit, but I am still waiting... lol


    Posted By JolieH | Feb 3, 2008
    #4
  2. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2006
    Message Count:
    925
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canadian Prairies
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +52 / 0 / -0
    Wow Awesome!!!!!!!!!! Very well written I must say.... and yes it does read outloud very well. I think this is going in my favorites :)

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Feb 4, 2008
    #5

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2007
    Message Count:
    451
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Thank you Jolie.
    He is in the war?
    Please do wait as the old saying,
    "good things come to those who wait"
    may be true for you.
    Sometimes it's worth it.
    Glad you liked my poem :)


    Posted By Moonchild | Feb 4, 2008
    #6

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2006
    Message Count:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Buffalo,New York
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    and so you dance upon you words with a Love so true MoonChild! I Love this work you have formed though time! Please continue to produce such fine works that I might continue to feed!

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2007
    Message Count:
    451
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Thank you Mysty.:heart:
    I am glad it is among your favs!


    Posted By Moonchild | Feb 4, 2008
    #8

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2007
    Message Count:
    451
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Thank you Curtis.
    I'm glad you like and will do :kiss3:


    Posted By Moonchild | Feb 4, 2008
    #9

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com