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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    I could have been a fellow brother
    to those that held no hope
    but instead I cast looks of disdaine
    for my judgement overtook
    my heart is critical and bitter
    and I have no room for love
    the place that I reside in
    is cold and darkened
    so what if I forgot the joy
    of laughter, love and peace
    I find my solace in a frosty mug
    and drown my dreams in tonic
    life is so overrated
    I could be somewhere else right now
    I like to absorb myself
    in nothing but myself
    I am the epidemy of selfish
    I am the heart of pride
    I've dwelled so long on boasting
    of all my beauty inside
    but everyone says it's all a lie
    they all say that I live a lie
    why cant I see that I live a lie?

  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I could have been a fellow brother
    to those that held no hope
    but instead I cast looks of disdain
    for my judgment overtook
    my heart is critical and bitter
    and I have no room for love
    the place that I reside in
    is cold and darkened.


    A very sad and seemingly lonely first stanza here. Well, I broke it up…was easier for me to understand that way, b.o.t.s. I like these types of poems because they allow us to look into the bowels of ourselves and wonder at our feelings and thoughts and the crazy roads down which they travel at times.

    so what if I forgot the joy
    of laughter, love and peace
    I find my solace in a frosty mug
    and drown my dreams in tonic
    life is so overrated
    I could be somewhere else right now
    I like to absorb myself
    in nothing but myself.


    Hmmm…this part almost made me laugh…absorb myself in nothing but myself…but really is kinda scary, deep down, isn’t it?

    I am the epidemy of selfish
    I am the heart of pride
    I've dwelled so long on boasting
    of all my beauty inside
    but everyone says it's all a lie
    they all say that I live a lie
    why cant I see that I live a lie


    Very thought provoking, B.O.T.S…since we do each wear a cloak that we show the world…sometimes they see right through it and sometimes they don’t. Who we are to ourselves, right and true is sometimes not who we want the world to see, or who we want to acknowledge ourselves as being.




    Loved it! :yay:



    Nomad

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    this was written as a ode' to those who are so self absorbed they cant escape themselves and veiw the world as a whole without them....
    just imagine if you where that into you....
    i often write my poems as a meens to be in someone elses shoes.... plus i try to add what i would feel like if i where the person i am describing.. in this case.... a selfish man.....i know that i am selfish in some ways... but i also know that selfishness does not define me as a person... there are many others wonderful characteristics that make me, me!:dance: < i love that smile by the way! *tee hee*

    so nomad.... thank you so much for the most honest comment i havge read in a long time.... but know that this wasnt exactly written about me!
    peace and thankers!

    phil

    Jeez Banned

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    Rarely does he
    see his self, even
    when standing in
    front of his own
    mirror.

    As he sees only
    what he thinks
    he is.

    Thanks or the
    read.:yes3:


    Posted By Jeez | May 8, 2007
    #4

    deep_poet86 Endless Rewind

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    This poem kicks butt man! Its so true and deep. You did good wording, each stanza gets better as the poem goes. Loved it.

    Nikos Tselepides New Member

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    I cannot use American idioms like "kick butt" etc--they are too local for my own brand of "Atlantic English", and sound slangy as well, as I am not all sure about their associations and nuances. I suspect "kicks butt" means it is powerful or strong, though. If that is the case, I agree.

    The only thing I can say is that this is a fine poem, frank, unpretentious, and I like it a lot.

    Thanks.

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    Big hugs to you my friends, lee ann and nikos.....
    i accept all comments... and am grateful that at least someone took the time to read me....
    and thank you nikos for your description of how this poem made you feel....
    much apprecaited....
    your brother in the forums,
    phil

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    this was very great,

    very awesome touches on so many things sorrow and vanity

    these things were better said wonderful

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Very sad...
    and I know I do not want to be this person.
    Heart-hitting...and even in thier evilness, i still feel compassion for this person.

    thanks for it.
    -Mango

    mysticpoet729 The &quot;Mystic&quot; Poet

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    this is nice and too the point. i was expecting something different when i read the title. like you were going to talk about someone you know. but it's about people in general.

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    ah.. this place has made my heart smile so!

    so many wonderful, uplifting, encouraging poets here!

    thank you everyone so much for your part in helping me develop as a writer!

    many hugs and smiles to all of you...


    peace out

    phil

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