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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by Jims Inn, Sep 5, 2007.



    Jims Inn Jims Inn

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    My body was chilled the night I awoke
    For a vision was fresh in my mind,
    Of a woman I'd seen in a black as night cloak
    And I swear she was not of my kind.


    She stood at my side as I opened my eyes
    I could see nor her head nor her face,
    Her outline etched by bright burning fire
    Throat wrapped in ruffled black lace.


    She lifted her hand and touched my cheek
    My body and soul caught alight,
    I opened my mouth and tried to speak
    But my mind was numb with fright.


    She turned away and beckoned to me
    Mesmerized I got to my feet,
    I had to follow if I was to be free
    As she walked out into the street.


    She never looked back nor spared a glance
    As I walked behind her down the road,
    I followed the woman like one in a trance
    And my mind not my body bore the load.


    She stopped at last before a great door
    In the shadow she stood then knocked twice,
    I gazed in wonder for I'd been there before
    And my heart felt gripped in a vice.

    The door was opened and we walked inside
    In the church I felt death in the air,
    At the altar I saw a young woman, a bride,
    She was young and a beauty so fair.


    She faced the door figure clad all in black
    The candles and chalice the same,
    Then the woman who stood silently at my back
    Touched my shoulder and called my name.


    "You were chosen from many to witness this night
    A marriage between evil and good,
    This consummation between darkness and light
    Among all of Satan's brotherhood."


    Then from all around there arose silently
    All manner of creatures obscene,
    They stood and laughed and pointed at me
    And I prayed this must be a dream.


    The woman behind me then spoke up again
    "You will stand at my side through it all,
    Feel with that girl the ecstatic pain
    For our master will soon grace this hall."


    The door burst open and all fell to the floor
    As the prince of darkness strode past,
    I shook with fear at the look that he wore
    As he stopped and his eyes on me cast.


    He lifted his hand it was more like a claw
    Then pointed at me and just smiled,
    I thought of flight and glanced at the door
    But I knew I was already defiled.


    "Bear witness this night that I'm real and alive
    And not part of a book you have read,
    Remember that good and not evil shall strive
    And that evil forever stays ahead."


    So saying he turned and walked up the aisle
    I felt weak and alone and afraid,
    My body was shaking mouth filled with bile
    For a price this night would be paid.

    The girl at the altar stood facing us all
    As satan strode onward toward her,
    She drew herself up, smiled and stood tall
    And awaited her lord lucifer.


    He stopped before her and tore off her gown
    She stood naked with arms open wide,
    He took her hands then pulled her down
    On the altar the devil; took his bride.


    I stared at them with my hands clenched tight
    I tried but could not turn my face,
    I experienced it all in the dim candlelight
    Till at last he released his embrace.


    The devil laughed and threw back his head
    Dear god he was evil and cruel,
    He then walked back to me, smiled and said:
    "Go look at the woman you fool!"


    I slowly walked to where the girl lay
    She was bruised and her body was torn,
    I looked into the face of the devil's prey
    And then cursed the day I was born.


    She lay in her blood all naked and white
    Defiled to the end of her life,
    I looked into eyes that once shone bright
    Eyes that belonged to my wife.


    I fell to my knees and began to pray
    Surely god this must all be a dream?
    Then I looked at my bride of only one day
    I the church all I heard was my scream.


    Posted By Jims Inn | Sep 5, 2007
    #1

    Terence Member

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    Hi Jim, you put a lot of effort into this and it worked out extremely well. The rhyme and flow were very well done and you maintained the story effortlessly. I only got lost on the very last line. I look forward to more.

    Terence


    Posted By Terence | Sep 12, 2007
    #2

    Jims Inn Jims Inn

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    thanx very much for the kind words terence


    Posted By Jims Inn | Sep 12, 2007
    #3
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Very well thought out and great flow and rhythm...chilling story...!

    Nomad
  2. Cheeky

    lasher Member

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    Hey now Jim,

    Yeah, great rhythm and flow..... interesting and entertaining throughout...
    Nice write


    Posted By lasher | Sep 12, 2007
    #5

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    What a frightening poem. I have to wonder if this dream is fear of his new bride cheating, or if it is prophecy that she does.


    Posted By JolieH | Sep 13, 2007
    #6
  3. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Wow Jim....... just WOW.. Very well written and ooh very chilling. This is a fantastic story.... Would be interested to see it in longer form as a story instead of poetry form.

    ooh I would so read this but lol not at bedtime.

    Excellent write Jim Loved it.

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 13, 2007
    #7

    Jims Inn Jims Inn

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    hi jolie ... sorry about the late reply ... thanx for reading ..,

    luv ya!


    Posted By Jims Inn | Sep 14, 2007
    #8

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