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    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

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    One thing to say about this one... Couldn't decide to leave it in this form... Or edit it into something "prettier" aka a little more fixed the way I normally like to write. Left it this way for one reason - story just doesn't seem to belong in the same category as "pretty"... At any rate - would love a second opinion... and third... fourth... fifth... Show me whatchya got, JPiC =)

    Drunken Devil
    The atmosphere is charged
    As my brother's gaze locks on mine,
    I see his fear, echoing my own;
    We both know what's coming.
    Without words, we converse;
    "Pick up your games, I'll get the rest,
    We'll go to the back room tonight."
    Along the way, we pass our mother,
    Stony glare embossed upon her face.
    Carefully, silently, stealthily,
    We tiptoe to a bedroom in the back.
    Pry open the window;
    There's no screen, so I climb out
    To the roof; pick my way across
    To the secret stash.
    Money.
    An escape route.
    Just in case.
    It's all there, so I return.
    Turn on the video-game,
    A pseudo-distraction,
    Just as the first glass is broken
    Downstairs in enemy territory.
    I feel a pang of guilt -
    Mother needs me to protect her,
    But brother needs me more.
    It can't be helped.
    "Lock the door behind me when I leave,
    Don't open it for anyone, even me.
    I'm going for help."
    Brave soldier, he nods, pale,
    And hugs me as though it is the last.
    Smart kid, it may well be,
    'Cause we've got a war on our hands,
    And there can be no prisoners
    When the enemy is
    A drunken devil.


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Mar 4, 2007
    #1

  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    :wow: Serenity, you categorized this one aptly...no "prettying" this one up! I had a friend whose mother was a drunk, and the emotional yo-yo in the home was appaling. No one was safe when the drunken devil showed up....I really loved the vast amounts of emotion you instilled into this poem...the hopelessness in one aspect, but bravery and almost stoicism in another...to just do what has to be done.

    Brilliant!!

    Nomad

    zaac Banned

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    i ache when i read stuff like this. to know that kids have to go through that. my dad wasn't a drinker, but he had a similar temper, and i was the recipient of it most of the time, so in a way i can relate, this is very engaging almost a prose written in free verse if thats possible. very nice job.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Mar 4, 2007
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    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

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    Thanks so much guys.... =)
    It's great to hear such positive comments when adventuring into a new style...

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Mar 14, 2007
    #4

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