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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2011
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    Yo, yo.
    I spit it mystical.
    In the dark forest
    where the Taurus
    fights the wraiths and the demons.
    The unicorn shines in the mist under Venus.
    The Cyclopes stands with the chalice of the stars.
    The wisdom of the sands in the palace over mars
    Yo, yo.
    I’ll fashion my opinion so you wear it.
    Even if I have to lose the meaning and the merit.
    Cause we all know it’s only entertainment.
    If it’s not in proper rhythm then it’s just a fuckin statement.
    We want the one liners we can spit while we’re drinkin’.
    Or when we’re hittin’ on the ladies cause we don’t like thinkin’.
    A surplus of bumper stickers slapped on our tongues.
    Because if the cadence isn’t catchy
    we can’t remember what it was.


    Posted By jakeminick | Feb 23, 2011
    #1

    GreaterValues New Member

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2011
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    It's more rap than poetry.

    Explanation
    It has no decided topic. It's like you've formulated several sentences that pertain mildly to one another and just placed them one after the other, and it loses that format as well.

    This is an exceptional piece of writing for rap, but it's a really, really loose thread on the quilt of poetry, and not in the good nonconformity, struggling-to-have-individuality sense. I honestly mean no disrespect by any of the aforementioned points, nor do I think of my writing or myself as a superior or poetic conglomerate. Please don't misconstrue this as hateful or narcissistic. I guiltily admit that I enjoyed reading it, and saying it in my head, but I didn't receive any poetic feel.

    Keep writing, don't let douche-bags like me act as a blockade. You've got crazy rhythm.

    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

    Member Since:
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    thank you. i appreciate this negative feedback probably more than i would if someone praised this. it was meant more for humor. the subject matter is sloppy and it's kind of half-ass but, i thought it was good for a cynical laugh. and you don't have to explain yourself. feel free to objectively rip anything of mine apart. i think i get more out of that anyway. peace.


    Posted By jakeminick | Feb 26, 2011
    #3
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2006
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    One could indeed argue the age-old "6 of one, half a dozen of the other" ==> meaning one is the same as the other. In most circumstances I find this to be true anyway.

    At anyrate - I liked the piece - it flowed well - there's interesting rhythm - almost syncopated in a way, depending on how you read it.

    Nice write = thanks for the share. :)


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 8, 2011
    #4

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