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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    GrimmersAngel07 New Member

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    -Emotions She Wrote-
    Emotions she wrote,
    Emotions she spoke,
    Emotions she knew...
    Dwelling on the past,
    Finding it hard to try not to...
    Trying to help others not to see the real her,
    Trying not to show them what lies beneath
    The emotions that almost killed her...
    Given half a chance, she'd take it all back...
    She can't say she regrets anything,
    But regrets anything that had never been.
    She let her parents shelter her
    Until the day she left,
    Not a minute of praise from them...
    Letting her past control her
    She tries her hardest to let go,
    Let go of the lies,
    And her parents playing with her heart.

    It was all in the emotions she wrote,
    In the words she never spoke...
    It was all in the emotions she never knew
    That she felt...
    She never did anything with them,
    And flew the coop.
    She became happy
    And her parents jealousy rose
    Regretting parts of her past
    All within the emotions
    She wrote
    And never again spoke
    Of the emotions she knew.

    The emotions that were never spoke,
    Were in the emotions her heart wrote.

  1. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Ahh Holly .... this has the potential to be so spectacular..... you have some really excellent lines. If you would like a full critique with examples of how to modify, please place in the Critique section? I would so love to show you how it could be even more powerful. It is something a lot of folks could say to their parents. Not that they would understand......

    Not everyone is lucky enough to know unconditional love.


    :hug::hug:
    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Mar 24, 2008
    #2

    Terence Member

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    Holly, sounds to me like the subject found her release in poetry. As Mysty said, you have the makings of a really good poem - true emotion, good subject material. Some of the repetition is good, some is overdone. 'Critique' would help you.

    Well done, Terence


    Posted By Terence | Mar 24, 2008
    #3

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    wonderful poem your are a gifted writer and as mysty said just a little help your poem could be a masterpiece
    hugs kisses
    bear


    Posted By Bear | Mar 25, 2008
    #4

    GrimmersAngel07 New Member

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    Thanks for the comments and all but if I wanted my pieces critiqued I would have put them in the critique board. I like sharing my originals.

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