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    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

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    Final Battlefield

    Here again, I feel it -
    Again and again it's there
    Pure emotion, and I seal it
    Pinned to my soul, I don't even care
    Yesterday's come and gone
    So has my last decent thought
    Under the light of crimson dawn,
    I admit defeat, my battle fought
    Coming closer daily,
    I feel the ending's nearer
    Defeat comes running up gaily
    Ecstatic that my end is clearer

    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Sep 10, 2006
    #1

  1. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    Sounds like a poem about death, but done all in metaphors. Close enough to literal, like life is the battlefield. Interesting. *four stars* I like it.


    Posted By Sealiah | Sep 10, 2006
    #2

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    could use some length, I found this work good not great it felt lik eit was rushed or not enough for me, even the end was suttle and somber, it might be evry good but a piece this abstract I'd have to get used too which may be said for others who read this too

    mbironneau Member

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    Your poem is very interesting as the speaker seems to not only accept death but also his lack of power when confronted by it. Sort of like a chess player who is happy to lose to a superior player knowing that he's done his best. Great job!


    Posted By mbironneau | Sep 14, 2006
    #4
  2. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I'm surprised no one has mentioned this SERENITY - but it's the 1st thing I saw whilst taking a look at your poem HAPPY SUICIDE... Then I said WOW!

    I sure like the strength of your words - that last line is just like a breath of fresh air when one has been breathing in the odorous stinch of skunk...

    I can surely relate to this piece - And I look forward to you explaining your motivation/inspiration/meaning for writing this piece the way you did!

    Very interesting write - Thanx for sharing it!

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 2, 2006
    #5

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

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    I'm glad you all liked it so much :)

    Sealiah - Thanks so much :)
    Erik - Hope the PM helped a little, but I'm glad you liked it even with all that in the way!
    mbironneau - hehe very nice way of putting it... a different view that i'd never have thought of on my own, love it!
    MsJ - I'm amazed you were the first to notice that, but you're right it was intentional of course. Thanks so much!

    As for an explanation... hehe I'm no good at that! I wanted to challenge myself a little, since this was the first poem I'd written in a month or so. Soo.. I picked something to use as an acrostic... Only it seemed kinda boring to just outright talk about suicide! I liked the process of painting this picture better anyway... It's so much more flexible too! And I didn't mention the acrostic part because I wanted to see the different ways it might be interpreted. I spent about 4 days on this piece, changing it everytime to make it harder to write. I added a rhyme scheme and started to set syllables but I lost my inspiration halfway through - had to stop writing at the risk of ruining the whole feeling! And of course I tried to make the feeling real strong - so I had to use strong words... Which is a challenge for me :) But it was a strong feeling somewhere inside me, so I hoped it could be a strong feeling for the readers too! ...Um... how's that? hehe

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Oct 2, 2006
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    Mindings New Member

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    In the final battlefield abruptness is understandable - none the less it speaks volumes!

    Philip


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 3, 2006
    #7

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