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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by JolieH, May 2, 2008.



    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Give my love armor, protection of will
    that greed and hate can never penetrate,
    and I a soft place in his heart might fill
    until my dying light fall, a promise wait.
    I shall forever dream he be my king,
    alone in highest castle window view
    landscape rich, where birds of liberation sing
    from branches strong, leaved in vibrant hue.
    His journeys fair, a starlight beckon shine,
    a wind his spirit guide cross fields of time
    precarious nature and poet intertwine
    to challenge storms impervious in rhyme.
    Give my love a compass to guide him home
    where on his lips waits kiss of honeycomb.


    Posted By JolieH | May 2, 2008
    #1

    Anonymous Encounter New Member

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    wow, your one of the most talented people i have read on this cite. i really admire this :)
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Jolie, this is an absolutely beautifully scribed sonnet! Your first one you say? :wow: I love it...timeless love...you will give Shakespeare a run for his "money" Honey! ...this takes me right back to the times of sumptuously gowned ladies, waiting on their knights to come from fighting or traveling. Brilliant write!

    until my dieing light Here I believe you meant to put dying? as in "expiring"?

    Nomad

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Thank You Nomad,
    You've made my day.


    Posted By JolieH | May 2, 2008
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    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Not bad for a first at all Jolie.
    A couple lines have either too few
    or too many syllables but you got the pentameter right which
    impresses me for a first Sonnet, most people don't.

    This is a great line:

    to challenge storms impervious in rhyme.

    and your closing couplet is excellent.
    Beautiful Sonnet, enjoyed!


    Posted By Moonchild | May 3, 2008
    #5

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