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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


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    Mohammad Ilyas New Member

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    Man is bound to wisdom, discipline and magnitude
    while fate is rude in fued that is veiled in latitude

    love and misk can not hide that is out of an order
    even if concealed in packs speaks up the attitude

    even a learned man in love succumbs to the law of nature
    in his words or self originated gesture of aptitude

    she knows not by her act of my being open to others
    humiliating me she enjoys passion of love in solitude

    well bred pets may live long in cages with cry and hue
    from heaven chains be brought for Romans for servitude

    Mir! Come out! as dawn has opened eye of the sky
    brook, flowers, chirping bird and charm wish for gratitude.
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    Terence Member

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    Hi Mohammad,

    I see you have used the modern form of Ghazal, rather than the traditional, where the two lines in the first couplet, and the second line of each couplet, end with the same word, though you did make them rhyme.
    You are, presumably, either in the process of learning the English language, or your native language does not translate into English meaningfully.
    But this is not a critique forum, or one that can provide the corrections that will help you understand how meanings can be better expressed.
    As I usually find in this situation, your poem has substance - it is very expressive, but it is clouded by the difficult wording. I take 'Mir' to be a female name, rather than 'peace' or 'to see' from other languages, and the narrator to be pleading with the woman to take him back. I hope you can get some assistance with this as the end result should add another colourful dimension to the use of the English language.

    Terence
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    Posted By Terence | Jan 28, 2008
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    Mohammad Ilyas New Member

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    I think you have not got the theme though you know what Ghazal is. 'Mir' is a Persian word derived from the Arabic word 'Amir' that means head or chief so make that known to yourself. May be I am not good in English but you lack feeling. However I am happy to see you write much about.
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    Medora Member

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    It is not often that I see a ghazal tried. I understand this topic is old, but if you chance to see this reply, I hope you might tell me what inspired you to write in that form?


    Posted By Medora | Oct 1, 2012
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hmmm - Mohammad Ilyas listed his location as Chitral which is a city in Pakistan? I know the ghazal is one of the older forms of poetry, having originated in the middle eastern countries. It's likely a more popular form in these regions, would be my guess is why dude shared his ghazal...

    And :wow: I missed this original post - I like the ghazal form - it's intriguing. And how each couplet stands on its own merit makes for an interestingly double-entendre type of read.

    Makes me want to try a ghazal of my own!

    J.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 1, 2012
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    Medora Member

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    I studied the ghazal for a final project in a literature course, so am only too happy to talk about what I learned in regards to form and content.

    What I gathered from study is that the ghazal -- pronounced something along the lines of ha! (with a deep throat sound) zal -- is not a popular form in the English speaking world, but probably more so in central Asia.

    I definitely like how each stanza is stand-alone while tying in to a theme for the whole piece. And how there is no limit to the sets of lines.

    You should definitely try a ghazal; lots of fun.


    Posted By Medora | Oct 1, 2012
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Yeah - looks like lots of fun and a bit challenging as well. I always pronounced it like "gu-zel" because I love the idea of guzzling down a poem - like beer right? :cheers:

    Kidding aside - Are you an English Lit major? Where do you study?


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 1, 2012
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    Medora Member

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    I will major in English next semester, as the college starts offering it in the fall (before then, there was just the more general liberal arts). I go to a community college: San Bernardino Valley College. The publication I alluded to for my only published poem is found there: the literary magazine Phineas.


    Posted By Medora | Oct 2, 2012
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    How the hell did I manage to miss this post?!? IDK :blush:

    Anyway - DUDE! That is AWESOME! I've always wanted to go back to school - music education/performance would be my major concentration with perhaps a minor in Literature. I don't ever see this happening though - but it always lingers in the back of my mind "what if"

    So you should be proud of yourself! Because it certainly sounds to me like you've got what it takes to succeed at it :yes:
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    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 6, 2012
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