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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Tanax, Oct 19, 2006.



    Tanax Member

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    I just desided to post it here.
    Wrote it on some class I had some days ago.
    I also desided to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR what words rhymes with what words, so I colored the words that rhymes in the section with the same color :)

    So enjoy the reading, and the story behind it... well,
    I'm gonna let you think for yourself, but a hint is:
    • a Girl
    • The Girl.




    --------

    Heaven and Hell


    Cold as ice,
    pure as powder snow,
    lips like a rose flower.
    I both love,
    and hate,
    that you control me with such power.

    Thou art my stars, my moon,
    my sky, and my goddess.
    Your lips speaks,
    with a soft delight,
    and I want to caress,
    your beautiful cheeks.

    I guess it is my fate,
    to be under your command,
    for all eternity.
    At the hells gate,
    I'm forced to stand,
    it is my destiny.

    I know it's wrong,
    but you got me with a powerful force.
    I have to be strong,
    and stay on my course.
    All my life long,
    I will truly be yours.


    ------

    Oh, and "thou art" means "you are", but in old brittish.


    Posted By Tanax | Oct 19, 2006
    #1

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    this was great, phrasing was okay recycled kind of thee nding turned it into something special

    Tanax Member

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    THank you :)

    The section I dislike the most is the second, because it has no.. rythm.. :S
    But overall I think it turned out pretty good :)


    Posted By Tanax | Oct 20, 2006
    #3

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Yeah overall it was very good
  1. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    I liked it, thought it was very.,.. what's the word... factual.

    Mirrored life quite well, with the way it seems that one person is in love with someone he should not have. For one reason or another. I would love to see more of the story behind this.:eat:


    Posted By Sealiah | Oct 20, 2006
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    Tanax Member

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    The story behind it?
    Well, the story behind is .. my current situation.
    I'm in love with this girl, who I don't dare to talk to,
    and that's why she controls me in so many ways :S
    And the thing is, I don't wanna break free, I wanna get to know her, because I love her so much,
    so it's like a spell she casted on me, a spell I cannot break free from,
    a spell that controls me, a spell the creates both heaven, and hell for me.


    Posted By Tanax | Oct 20, 2006
    #6

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