Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0

    This was posted here before, and I would love feedback if polished enough to send for a submission.


    Secrets


    Tactile echoes ripple secrets of an abominable past. Bloodstained whispers suffocate beyond hideous black breath. Muffled screams drip down walls of her cadaverous boudoir. The sound is deafening even to frolicsome beasts of the macabre. One hand extends to help you climb through mangled secrets marinated in blood. The other clenches a dripping hippocampus of an axed cranium, now only but a silent carcass.

    She has been waiting in a brand new dress, of the prettiest light blue. A crimson enigma waits beyond the grisly door if you dare to open it. Reality will be hazed and will no longer exist. The sense known as the sixth awakens hallows of unfinished death. Only those born with a veil can see the hatched silhouettes in the silver moonlight, can hear the crackling of skull cavity split to precision, can see mouthful-sized pieces of brains splattered adding relief to the walls like a Van Gogh, can feel the viscous texture of a blackened atmosphere, can smell the noxious stench of fresh-baked decay, and can taste the vibrations of butchered screams bathed in bloody innocence. The children can still be seen playing jump rope as they sing:

    They say Lizbeth took an axe
    and gave her mother nineteen whacks
    and when she saw what she had done,
    she gave her father twelve minus one
    Stepmother hated her new blue dress
    She loved her father so he got less
    Beware of 92 Second Street
    She will chop you up when you sleep


    Dr. Rob

    Eric New Member

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2008
    Message Count:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    soon to be in N.C.
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Kim,
    This is awesome mangled secrets marinated in blood, I am a horror fan and this rocks. Give me more. I only wish I had the discipline to write a horror story or novel. Instead I settle for a quick spooky poem. Check my new post Haunted, you might like it. Beautiful images and words.
    Eric


    Posted By Eric | Apr 14, 2008
    #2
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Hey Eric :bye:,

    You are too kind. Thank you for your support and for taking time to read and to comment Eric! A quick spooky poem is just fine for me too! I will be happy to read "Haunted"...sounds delicious! lolol

    Kim :)
  3. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 20, 2006
    Message Count:
    679
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Location:
    In a trailer, on a hill.
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +37 / 0 / -0
    Hey!

    Love it! I'm not much for guts or gore after having watched the original Chainsaw Massacre in a drive-in, lol but thought it was quite descriptive, lol.

    The one thing which gave me pause was ...mouthful-sized pieces... had to think on that one a while but then decided it was probably ok. Since you're the teacher I'm assuming you would know that or not, lol.

    Anyway, having said the above, gotta say this is very good and nearer to publishing than anything I have, lol.

    Good luck, Sis!
    Gail
  4. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Thanks for taking time to read and comment Gail! That's what is sooooo awesome about writing is that everyone has a preferred genre. What is interesting about myself is that, my poems can be any topic, however my stories are of the dark variety.

    I wrote "mouthful-sized" to add effect...do you think I should rework those words or use different words altogether?

    Let me know...:thankyou: Sis!

    PD :)
  5. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 20, 2006
    Message Count:
    679
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Location:
    In a trailer, on a hill.
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +37 / 0 / -0
    Try reading them out loud or have someone read it for you. If it still sounds ok to you, I'd go with it!

    hugs,
    Gail
  6. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Yes I have read it aloud..but did not ask anyone to read it aloud to me...:wow:..great idea and thank you! I will do just that!

    Kim :huggles:

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com