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    zaac Banned

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    Was thinking about how much I would really like to be in a long term loving relationship. Was pondering what she would be like. Don't know where the piano came in, but it kinda carried the piece so I went with it. Not sure whether to title it more toward a piano theme, a love theme, or a mental pic of a girls heart....help me out here.

    As I play my old piano,
    i'm thinkin on a rhyme;
    of way back when I first saw love
    was looking through my eyes.

    If there ever was a lover,
    so completely made for me,
    she would love me through
    deep water and the
    cackling raging seas

    I would tell her of my heart;
    how it aches to feel her touch,
    and the songs we write in whisperings
    to God, and man, and love.

    I trail my fingers;
    she responds,
    in ways that coax my smile.
    And finds me in the loving,
    dreaming all the while.

    Like the gentle rest, a butterly
    delighting softly on her shoulder,
    I'd walk the left up to her heart,
    to the place where she's left smoldering

    she would sing to me of pleasure
    of gifts, and dreams, and plans
    in a voice that always tells me
    she will always hold my hand

    And as I play my old piano,
    I feel beneath my palms
    just who this love might be
    in every note of every song.

    Yes, she's my old piano,
    giving wings of song from pain
    a thoughtful, gentle smile
    every time she says my name.

    If I could find a lover,
    who could touch me in this way,
    I'd marry her within the hour,
    but my piano's here to stay.


    Posted By zaac | Aug 28, 2011
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    SuzyQ Member

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    Hi Zaac,
    I like the tone you set with the piano/music sort of theme. I was wondering what you thought about going with more of it....
    I was thinking in the second stanza, instead of:
    "deep water and the
    cackling raging seas"
    you might describe yourself in terms of something more musical. I can't think of any examples for you though. I just thought as I read this.. what's water got to do with a piano player. :)


    How about something like "Beneath My Fingertips" for a title?

    SuzyQ


    Posted By SuzyQ | Aug 29, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    This is just beautiful sentiments David!
    Even I (as a bit of a loner who has embraced loneliness as if a bodypart) can appreciate these sentiments - I love the bit of pessimistic jab at the endline "but my piano's here to stay" -- that's exactly how I felt about my tuba - oh man - I really would like a new tuba! Twas my first love the tuba... :TUBA:

    Anyway - nice write - the flow was effortless and made for a very nice read = Thanks for the share ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Aug 30, 2011
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    zaac Banned

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    yeah am thinkin bout that part...and looking at the piece backwards helps too


    Posted By zaac | Aug 30, 2011
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    zaac Banned

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    after you posted i saw a kid on the street with a tuba...no lie. was gonna knock him in the head and send it to you, but apparently you're not supposed to drive on the sidewalk...dont know why


    Posted By zaac | Sep 1, 2011
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  2. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Hi David,
    Another great inspirational work of art from your heart of hearts, sweetheart.
    How about calling it, "Under my thumb" or "Under my palm."
    About getting married to the woman of your dreams, just ask the Lord with
    all your heart that is your true deepest wish and dream to find your dream love...
    Perhaps, God will grant that wish for you, David.
    Love on your way,
    Hugs, Starry.:welcome:


    Posted By stardust | Sep 6, 2011
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