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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Mysty, Jan 19, 2008.



  1. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Honeys of Sin

    rose petal lips
    skim over
    burnt umber skin
    so softly
    all that is left
    is the electric tingle
    flowing from those lips
    like a tail trailing a comet

    Fire burns so close
    to the rose petal lips
    it is a wonder
    they do not shrivel into ash
    as they near and hover
    over the powerfully
    pulsating rod
    of divinity

    burnt umber skin glows
    from a sheen of dew
    as a bronze blush
    and tremors erupt
    from deep within
    and rose petal lips
    caress and taste
    honeys of sin

    ©2008 Mysty Johnson


    Posted By Mysty | Jan 19, 2008
    #1

  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Mysty,

    I like this poem and the repeat lines adds depth and strengthens the visual for me. It is suggestive..yet elegantly tasteful...in other words...just enough to stroke the mind and lets the audience create their own point of view and visual. I LOVE the title and it is most fitting. I also LOVE the line....like a tail trailing a comet...I am a universe nut, and incorporation of those elements always sends my poetic blood pulsating. Nice one!

    Kim :)

    crazymamma5 angelic mamma

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    definitely very well written. and let my mindseye see what you were expressing.
  3. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Dearest Kim ..... Thank you .... you never let me down with giving a wonderful comment. Much love and hugs.

    Mysty


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Thank You too Racheul :) Comments are very much appreciated.

    *hugs*

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Jan 22, 2008
    #4

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    tremors erupting from deep within,

    this was a nice romance poem,
    your perspective was sizzlin
  4. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    :blush: ..... Thanks Erik


    Posted By Mysty | Jan 23, 2008
    #6
  5. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

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    Mmm .. delicious .. kinda appetising ... I like this one , my favourite genre and yu just justified the reasons as to y .. doesnt sex sound the best in poetry ... great job mysty ..I kan just about hear yu reciting that in ure sexy voice .. Mama mia ...
    CHESTER


    Posted By JONATHAN | Feb 8, 2008
    #7
  6. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    lol Chester hon....... Thanks :blush2:

    Love ya

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Feb 8, 2008
    #8

    zaac Banned

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    i only have two small suggestions. the repeat lines kinda took a bit away for me. maybe instead of repeating burnt umber or the rose petal lips, find another way of saying the same thing. i know rose petal lips pretty well from years of stellar experience, as least thats the lie i got most of the time lol. maybe in the second stanza tie burnt umber and rose petal lips to honey, cant think too straight right now, but i know its doable.

    the only other thing i might suggest is adjust the title to read sins of honey

    nice piece...and intoxicating as hell.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 8, 2008
    #9
  7. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Whew, Mysty...too hot to handle! Nice one!

    Nomad

    p.s. I kinda like zaac's title too.

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