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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by solo, Mar 10, 2008.



    solo New Member

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    Horse and Fire

    A trembling equine vision haunts the still
    tranquility as each new day is born
    a shadowed form and tumbling hoof beats will
    disrupt the oyster-pink of quiet dawn

    What evil thing pursues this panicked mare?
    that flees with fright no matter that she tires
    Her flanks sweat-shiny and her nostrils flared,
    she answers thus: Smoke! Burning! Fire!

    But there is neither smoke nor flame to see,
    no towering inferno at her back
    The earth's a dew-kissed dark serenity,
    the pre-dawn land-scape silent and ash-black

    It is her fiery past she flees with dread
    The fire rages only in her head


    Posted By solo | Mar 10, 2008
    #1

  1. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Ah! To escape the binds of ones own questioned humanity... I see desire in this piece SOLO - the desire to (despite all self-imposed inprisonment) be free as the wild mustang running in an open range....

    This is quite a lovely sonnet - I love the free-flowing rhythm you have - and the hint of abstract - reminds me of my own writing in a way - the way the lines blend into each other so softly...

    The 1st stanza I had to quote - because it is so beautifully rendered. "oyster-pink of quiet dawn" presents such a lovely visual! I can almost see the sunrise just from your descriptive. Quite nice = really.

    But getting to the substance of your poem:

    This is most interesting and quite a pivot, as I was thinking perhaps the mare is running from captivity, but the captivity is only in her mind. O! That we may have freedom from ourselves LOL - Quite a write indeed - and very enjoyable = Thanx for sharing it with us ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 12, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    Such very very kind comments...
    But to be honest...I file these sorts of poems on my flash disc under the title: "ATTEMPTED sonnets"...lol.,...I didn't think this line:

    "she answers thus: Smoke! Burning! Fire!"

    quite made the IP requirement...

    I am but an amateur, and only occasionally try to write sonnets..then again as a friend once said....you can try to write a sonnet...fail...and still end up with something you like!!!

    Yes ...I wrote this for all those people out there who are still trying to outrun the invisible fiends of their pasts...

    I am glad you liked it...with such response, it can only be a pleasure sharing it with you:)


    :thankyou::D


    Posted By solo | Mar 16, 2008
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  2. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I love the imagery in your work and your friend's right about writing a sonnet, failing and still coming up with something, lol.

    ...The earth's a dew-kissed dark serenity,
    the pre-dawn land-scape silent and ash-black...

    ...It is her fiery past she flees with dread
    The fire rages only in her head ...

    I hadn't thought of it as an example of a human's quest to outrun a troubled past, but it's a good example.
    Gail

    solo New Member

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    you like?....that's great whitman!:D


    Posted By solo | Mar 24, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    Thanx Gail...it's not perfect but hey I like it...and I'm glad you did too...
    Actually I had a stunning picture to go with this poem...but I don't know if I'm allowed to load graphics....I must find out when I have the time...

    Thanx for reading!!!!!:thankyou:


    Posted By solo | Mar 24, 2008
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    Terence Member

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    Oh dear, I just responded to your critique sonnet and see that you are not as new to them as I thought. This is a lovely sonnet and you have already identified any weakness yourself. Very well done, I love the imagery and theme.

    Terence


    Posted By Terence | Mar 24, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    Your comments in crit were most welcome....I am not crawling.....but I am still learning to walk!!!!

    Thank-you for your kind comments about "horse and fire'! I am glad you like it!

    Sol


    Posted By solo | Mar 27, 2008
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    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Nice one!
    Good story behind it and formed well.
    Enjoyed much how it was about a horse!


    Posted By Moonchild | Mar 29, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    thanx moonchild...horses are wonderful creatures...powerful and sensual at once....always a good inspiration!:)

    glad you liked it!
    sol


    Posted By solo | Apr 5, 2008
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    zaac Banned

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    this is a phenomenal piece. it took me a place i never expected to go. It was a very pleasant ride and a very intelligently gently written piece. I would never have thought I would be taken on a journey into the painful memory of a horse and end up wanting to pet her and tell her it will be ok well done

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Apr 6, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    David thank-you so much for your kind comments, it is a piece with personal significance...but I like it when other people find their own meanings in things I write....

    :sign_thanks:
    sol


    Posted By solo | Apr 16, 2008
    #12

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