Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0

    tell me should I get it better?

    I'm wasted into bed,
    I've wasted, time suspects,
    that I don't reach what I touch,
    I can't reach very much,
    since this summers cast in rain,

    light me up death on a cold, cold stove,
    light me up a conscience some argue if I got one,

    I waste another hour or two falling down,
    my head and feet just won't find the ground,

    Sinners and Saints in lost and found,
    none of their pieces are heaven bound,

    So ask me what is their to struggle for?
    A bigger house, a better world?

    Have you found amazing grace?
    do me a favor and keep it outta my face,

    the only sound that was sweet to me,
    was in her arms,
    how sweet the sound,
    so sweet it echoed to my soul all the way down,
    sweet enough to bring butterflies to dance in our path,
    that's now gone and,
    the whiskey stains and rots my gut.

  1. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2007
    Message Count:
    432
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Kolkata India
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +76 / 1 / -0
    amazing intensity ,loved this one , once again a completely fresh approach to an everyday emotion serves the purpose of reminding the reader that heartbreak isnt cliche and still hurts in so many new ways , loved the anger in lines above , so contemporary , nothing here thats been heard before .....thanx for sharing ...JON


    Posted By JONATHAN | May 2, 2007
    #2

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thats very cool JONATHAN,

    although the last 6 lines was word-play on the song Amazing Grace,
    most of the poem I agree is very fresh,
    and very close to me

    thanks JONATHAN,
    glad you read it

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2007
    Message Count:
    971
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    intense, but it makes me sad.

    I believe in grace...

    but very nice poem nonetheless.

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    yeah I understand that its a rather dark poem,
    but still was fun for me to write

    thanks mango

    Jeez Banned

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2006
    Message Count:
    592
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Regrets, sad,
    wanting.
    :cry:


    Posted By Jeez | May 8, 2007
    #6

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    sorry Jeez If it affected ya too much
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Dear Erik,

    This is yet another flavor from you. It does seem sad, however, in this last stanza, I see the sadness as almost being angry at yourself for the sweetness to b gone. It was touching to read of your memory of "how sweet the sound" in her arms, and such. Very intense, and heartfelt.

    sweet enough to bring butterflies to dance in our path, was such a beautiful line, that absorbed all the sadness for me, and all I could do was hope the warmth of the whiskey be replaced with the warmth of her arms once more. I gave this poem an "Excellent Rating".

    {{{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}}:)

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    I don't see the excellent rating but thats not so important,

    its so cool that you felt so much from this

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com