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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Bran Artus Kin New Member

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    Her eyes reflecting purity,
    Her smile dancing happily
    She looked at me attentively
    And asked me why I was alone

    I smiled as if I was amused,
    But knew that I was touched and bruised
    She opened wounds long since defused
    Her smiles all were but misused

    As she walked away
    My heart awoken was and swayed
    A smirk I made was in dismay
    Allowed to show its face today

    Alone again I realized
    That I again was penalized
    My independents compromised
    I knew I should have realized

    ‘Twas long since last I felt so solely
    In reflection of her eyes so boldly
    Looking at me all but coldly
    A tear fell down my cheek all lonely

    Although a tiny bit of pleasure
    Was felt there in but small a measure
    It was a feeling that I treasured
    But by pain I still am pressured

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    This poem is purely an expression how I feel right now...
    Sorry it isn't more constructive and positive.
    :pacing:

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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hi Bran - again welcome to JPiC. Thanks for sharing this poem - I thought the first stanza was beautiful. I liked how the last line of that first stanza was unrhyming, it seemed such a natural poetic flow.

    I thought the rest of the stanzas, however, seemed to force the rhyme quite a bit and the flow didn't seem as natural as the first stanza did.

    Alltogether though - I enjoyed reading it. :)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 22, 2011
    #2

    Bran Artus Kin New Member

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    Yeah, I see that aswell...
    It's almost RAP-ish which doesn't really fit it's context. It is my 3rd (or so) poem, in my defense :blush2:

    Thanks for the comment!
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

    Member Since:
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    Ah. So you are new to the poetry game then? Well stick with it! You'll be amazed at your growth through participation here at JPiC - I know I've been amazed by my own growth anyway - so keep scribing! ;)


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 23, 2011
    #4

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