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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Gamaliel, Apr 16, 2011.



    Gamaliel Teacher

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    I remember stormy days
    and wishing for the sun;
    or the warmth of one,
    who could rescue me from life's haze.

    And I remember lonely nights
    with quiet tears my only solace;
    heart yearning for that special face,
    who would smile and make my life all-right.

    I remember empty romance,
    phony laughter -- pretending to care;
    longing for feelings just not there;
    but too alone to dash the chance.

    I remember being alone,
    all alone in a mid-night void;
    and by that loneliness annoyed;
    wishing only to be loved and known.

    My heart longed for you.


    Posted By Gamaliel | Apr 16, 2011
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    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

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    another great piece. i don't even like romantic poetry usually. it must be your rhythm and word placement that i like. it think it's flowing through my cynicism somehow. damn you. peace.


    Posted By jakeminick | Apr 16, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    The rhyme scheme is really nice. Subtle even. Is this a traditional form you use Gamaliel? Whatever the case may be - I liked this piece very much. The repetition -- anaphora I believe it's called -- works nicely, emphasing all the longing and feeling you once had.

    Such wanting in the last line. I think the only thing that makes this last line more poignant perhaps is to make it a rhyming couplet and change the tense, ending like a sonnet would:

    Anyway - just a suggestion - but truly, this is really an enjoyable piece of poetry. Thanks for the sharing :)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 17, 2011
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    Gamaliel Teacher

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    Wow! Your suggestion is excellent. It really made the poem jump. I took an Old English Literature class many years ago and fell in love with some of the old romance masters. I would love to do more formal study in the writing of romantic poetry. Thank you for your critique. Where did you learn?


    Posted By Gamaliel | Apr 17, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    You're welcome and glad you like the suggestion! Such an ending really ties all the stanzas together, leads to a nice culmination.

    Where did I learn? On my own of course. Through a great love and admiration for the art form :yes: I've no formal education in creative writing or poetry. I'd love to go back to school - it's daunting though, seeing as how I'm originally class of '93 ORHS lol - one day perhaps... Who knows....

    ---------- Post added at 07:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:26 PM ----------

    The word placement is nice indeed. But I seriously doubt that's the reason you like this poem.
    I think you're just a :c::l::o::s::e::t: -- :r::o::m::a::n::t::i::c: -- :p::o::e::t::r::y: -- :f::i::e::n::d::exclamation: :p


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 19, 2011
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    aztek New Member

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    Gamaliel, Always nice to know there are emotional romantics still left in the world. I enjoyed the poem. I think Jacquii's suggestion did tidy it up nicely, but the original is still good.


    Posted By aztek | Apr 20, 2011
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    Bran Artus Kin New Member

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    My favorite part! Great poem!

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