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Discussion in 'Spoken Word & Freestyle' started by mrsmajor, Apr 25, 2007.



    mrsmajor New Member

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    I look around, and yet I sleep, and what I see does make me weep.

    A little boy has shot his friend, poor little boy he cannot mend.

    Why would a child so young of age not barely twelve have that much rage.

    The child was asked where did you find, that pistol used, what's in your mind.

    He stood with both hands well outstretched, and simple said my friend he fetched.

    Then I followed sirens blazing to find a woman cops are fazing.

    She screamed and yelled and cursed the cop. They screamed and yelled for her to stop.

    I moved in close so I could see, saw a baby near a tree.

    So still she was, no sound was heard, then came a whimper like a bird.

    I look around and yet I sleep, I see a lady in a heap.

    Bus was coming she not care, it hit her down, did she not fear?.

    I see a man with little child he touches her, it made me wild.

    A little boy slips from his room into the yard then to his doom.

    I look around and yet I sleep, but here I smile and do not weep.

    A daddy there he hugs his son, just born, the child brings joy to one.

    A large black dog lays on a floor, he's laying there to guard the door.

    His charge, a baby very near, and so the mommy has no fear.

    An aged lady's resting well, and care is given I can tell.

    I look around and so I know this dream of mine was just a show.

    The sad and bad things that I saw, will leave my mind soon that's for sure.

    But things that show the love we share stays in my heart and does not wear.



    God showers us with His great love, we can do wonderful things, if we carry that love with us always.


    Posted By mrsmajor | Apr 25, 2007
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    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

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    Hiya MrsMajor! Don't think I've had the pleasure before -- so WELCOME TO JPIC!!! :yayjpic:

    Very nice poem here!!!!!!! Starting out with the negative was something along what I was thinking to see, based on the title and all... But, the reassurance of all the love in the world, with the last bit of the poem... Absolutely beautiful! You chose your words well, the rhythm is pretty smooth and the rhyme is consistent, and your imagery is sharp and clear -- all around a pleasure to read!! Near the beginning made me pretty sad, could feel the warmth of tears building up... Then you brought me expertly back to a world of love and hope =) Awesome stuff, thanks so much for sharing this!!

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Apr 26, 2007
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    mrsmajor New Member

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    to Serenity

    Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate every word..The day that I wrote this piece, there was so much going on down here...At the end I said although the negatives are happening there are positives too, and so I finished it in a positive way.

    I was thinking that those reading would appreciate something good after so many of the bad things I told..

    I have been around since last year, but I really am just started to post pieces...

    Thank you for the welcome...I hope we get to visit again...


    Posted By mrsmajor | Apr 26, 2007
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  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hi Mrsmajor... I really love the entire rhythm of this piece...it does have a dreamlike quality to it.

    Awesome poem...reminding us all that even though there are deeply saddening events ...God always is there beside us, reminding us that in the end we will triumph and be in a place where His love prevails.

    Thanks for sharing....

    Nomad

    mrsmajor New Member

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    Nomad.....I see

    Thank you so much for your very kind review and comments..I appreciate every word..Yes, you captured exactly what I was trying to say, and it is so true...Thanks again.


    Posted By mrsmajor | Apr 26, 2007
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hi MRSMAJOR & Welcome to JPiC - If you haven't done so already - please introduce yourself to the Community via the Member Introductions section ;)

    This poem does indeed have a dreamlike quality/feel to it. The storyline was actually riveting - I was interested in seeing the end from the start - To see what happens of course.

    The inspirational lyric at the end of the poem is right on point: God showers us with His great love, we can do wonderful things, if we carry that love with us always.

    Very nice share = Thanx.

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 26, 2007
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    mrsmajor New Member

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    to Jacquii.....Isee

    Thank you so much for your kind review and comments..I appreciate every word...There was so much going on at the time I wrote this piece, I wanted to end it on a positive note....Thank God there will always be something good to write about...I have been with the site for a while...finally I want to add some poems to the site to get some feedback..I know I will enjoy reading the work of others...Thanks again..


    Posted By mrsmajor | Apr 26, 2007
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hi MRSMAJOR - glad to see you posting! I'm sure other Members will enjoy your feedback on their poetry as well - So enjoy!

    ALSO - if you haven't introduced yourself - you may want to over at the Member Introductions

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 27, 2007
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    Altree94 VIP Member

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    Hello Victoria!
    Very interesting piece!
    It makes us remember that we need to see and feel the bad stuff in order to really appreciate the good. Also that even in the bad stuff there is always a silver lining!
    TY for sharing!
    - Tree.


    Posted By Altree94 | Apr 28, 2007
    #9

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