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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


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    Kit Carson JPiC Contributor

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    The voice within resounds again
    Seeks to tell what’s worth telling
    Into the vortex I will spin
    Tell tales of seas I was sailing
    ~
    Seeks to tell what’s worth telling
    The right from wrong I’m not saying
    Tell tales of seas I was sailing
    Truth be told we were just playing
    ~
    The right from wrong I’m not saying
    The bars I entered were just cages
    Truth be told we were just playing
    Say all the wise men and the sages
    ~
    The bars I entered were just cages
    Into the vortex I will spin
    Say all the wise men and the sages
    The voice within resounds again
    ~
    Mjcarson
    8-29-2007


    Posted By Kit Carson | Aug 30, 2007
    #1

    Terence Member

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    Hi Kit, spinning in a vortex comes across with this form, (that I can't name right now). You did a good job getting your thought over with such restrictions.

    Well done, Terence


    Posted By Terence | Sep 12, 2007
    #2
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I love this style...the repetition make the words resound in your head, lending them huge importance and the flow of this poem is perfection.
    :yay:

    Nomad

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    I think I am spinning in a sea of conflicting tides. Terence is right. This really does have the feel of entering a vortex.


    Posted By JolieH | Sep 13, 2007
    #4
  2. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Wonderful Write :) I recognize the form but do not recall what it is named. Would you be so kind as to enlighten us Dear Kit?
    One thought .....
    I was wondering if .... instead of Tell tales.... what about Tall tales? Just a thought you can use or lose hon. Enjoyed this nonetheless..... Thank you for a Wonderful read Gave it 5 stars :)

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 13, 2007
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  3. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Wonderful idea Mysty...whether it's used or not...because it gives that line a "Gulliver's Travels" feel...pretty cool.

    Nomad
  4. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hey MIKE - I can't recall what form it is either :blush2: - but it reads so smoothly and effortlessly which no doubt was difficult to accomplish with so many repetitive lines - I like the form very much - it reads like an old Irish jig of sorts - especially considering the theme of sea.

    A very nice and intricately woven piece of poetry!
    Thanx for the sharing ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Sep 14, 2007
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Thought I recognize the form - It's PANTOUM right?
    Perhaps there is publishing yet to come for you: Poetry-Defined.com :)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Sep 14, 2007
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    Kit Carson JPiC Contributor

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    Thanks everyone and yes it is a pantoum and I am already entered in there, but I written 12 of these now and absolutely love them, but they are hard to do. Thanks for the lovely comments all and suggestions, but I think "tell" is better than "tall" because these are real tellings and I wouldn't want anyone to think that they weren't.


    Posted By Kit Carson | Sep 14, 2007
    #9
  6. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I actually agree with you MIKE LOL - someone once told me I am a "teller of tall tales" ---- NEVER did quite understand that one and still scoff at it whenever I get the chance LOL - I think "tell" is the better word as well AND yes - I did do a little reading in the Types of Poetry section - but I 1st read in the Calls section - don't know if you submitted the same poem - but I thought the form is a familiar one! I've yet to write my own pantoum - but the way you've written shows me the beauty that the form is all about! Again = Thanx for the share ;)

    Jacquii.

    Kit Carson JPiC Contributor

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    Can't wait to see it!


    Posted By Kit Carson | Oct 1, 2007
    #11

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