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    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    lanaia74 New Member

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    Since the day of my birth I have been destined for things beyond the reach of mortal man
    Things all the things being ordained by evil and darkness
    All materialistic things, riches and such are mine for the taking throughout the land
    Since birth, I was marked with the pentagram from hell's fiery abyss.

    Even at my birth my real mothered died, as me a terrible sin
    From her womb was delivered into the world
    Raised by a family of the cloth they had no idea I would be most evil, among men
    My life was looked upon as most evil as it unfurled.

    The mark, the mark of the beast
    From my beginnings, I embraced evil and the dark
    Thinking of goodness and charity, was on my mind the least
    Evil and darkness within, my body being an ark.

    No one can stop me I dare them to try
    Most of me are scared, I don't have to ask why
    On my shoulder, the mark, showing the destiny away from which I would not shy
    Feeling the power, within my being, that would cause many to cry.

    I except my destiny with open arms, glad to embrace my fate
    I would only pay with my soul, for this power of domination, I don't think a high cost
    My soul would be welcomed by Lucifer, at hell's fiery gates
    See forever I would be damned and kindred of the lost.


    Posted By lanaia74 | Oct 27, 2006
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I heard that he wouldn't except mine...
    ------------------------------------

    Anyway LANAIA - this is beautifully dark. The subject matter is handled with originality. I think this poem could well do with some restructuring though - Without going into great detail (as that's what the The Critique Saloon is for...) You may think of breaking the lines so that the length is a little shorter - The line break doesn't even have to occur at a point of rhyme = it's called freestyle poetry form...

    At anyrate - enjoyed this one very much - I'm sure each of us (no matter how goody-2-shoes) can appreciate the darkness that lies within!

    Thanx for sharing this poem with the Community :girl_devil:

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 27, 2006
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    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This poem is very different from anything I've read on this site but I really like it

    No one can stop me I dare them to try
    Most of me are scared, I don't have to ask why
    On my shoulder, the mark, showing the destiny away from which I would not shy
    Feeling the power, within my being, that would cause many to cry.


    That was my personal favorite part because I often feel invincible, Why? I don't know but i'm pretty sure that a lot of people feel this way like they're just untouchable at one point and that the things they've goin through would be unbearable to anyone but themselves....I really enjoyed this one; Thank You


    Posted By KingAce | Oct 28, 2006
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    Benny New Member

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    dripping dark...forboding, to say the least. One could do so many different things with this one...lots of avenues to consider, as far as different structures. I like it very much...utterly descriptive.


    Posted By Benny | Oct 29, 2006
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