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    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2006
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    painesville ohio...
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    Hello everyone... this is a series of letters to a friend of mine... teaching about trust and approach.... hope everyone learns something from this....

    ----- Original Message ----
    From: Jennifer Johnson < ghosthunter2@gmail.com>
    To: phillip shepherd <goraiowa@yahoo.com>
    Sent: Monday, October 15, 2007 7:59:33 PM
    Subject: Hey man

    Hey Phil I missed hearing from ya so I decided to email you.
    Enlighten me on anything new happening. Any improvement
    of your life? Do you still live in the same place? Same job?
    You don't have to still wear that spidy costume do you? Tee hee hee
    I wish I could have seen it. You really need to get some pics of you
    and send me them. I'd like a more recent photo. I've known you for what?
    Two or three years? I know I met you during freshmen year and now I'm a junior
    so I'd like to see whether or not you've changed much. :p Well email me
    when you can. Wee ya bud.

    On 10/30/07, phillip shepherd <goraiowa@yahoo.com > wrote:
    hey there.. i guess i was missing in action for awhile... lol.... i've been busting balls trying to get shit i need before the infamous cold comes along.... ohio.. and it's winter's... they are notorious...i should know.. i sle[t in them all of last year...
    and btw.. i've known you for almost 2 years....
    yeah i've changed a bit.. i dont have long hair anymore... i'm kinda sporting a billy corgan haircut.. (if you dont know who that is, it's the lead singer from smashing pumpkins) i dyed my hair dark red and black.... it's pretty slick.... although i'm not sure i could be able to get a pic of me though.... i might be able to get me mum to send me some of the pics that we took together a couple weeks ago....
    yes i wear zey costume.. only it's not spidey anymore.. it's doggy.. stright up dog. lol!
    still have my same old place.. no personal effects though.. just me clothes... and cds... that's it..

    well about you.... i know i dont talk about me much... and there's some stuf to talk about.. it's just i dont think you would get where i'm coming from.. that's why i dont open up that much.... i dont like others misconstruing what i've got to say.. not to say that you would.. it's just i want to be able to respect you.. and i couldnt do that if there would come a time when me and you would come into a mistunderstanding...

    anyways.. i could try being a little soft... if you share with me some stuf about you..i'll be glad to reciprocate... but not just about what you do and all.. but your opinions are about certain people you come across...

    anyways.. peace...

    Jennifer Johnson <ghosthunter2@gmail.com> wrote:
    You never said anything about your mom before. :p Well anyways. Now that you've ACTUALLY told me why you never talk about yourself I'd be happy to tell you about my experiances etc. You're hair sounds sweet. Whether you'd pull it off or not I'm not sure yet.

    I supose we can be each others journals...I use to do this with an old internet friend...I don't know whatever happened to him though. We were so similar...Then he vanished. He was suicidal. I hope he didn't do it. :(

    Journal number one:

    In my government class there is this assignment where we are assigned groups and positions and of course one group member is a candadate. The idea of the government classes voting for each of our groups sounds great. The thing is...I wish it was taken more seriously...Yesterday we had the worst time trying to figure out who was what and simply deciding upon a name to call ourselves (our party name). Today was a bit better. Though there was still a substitute teacher...So of course that made things much more difficult. At first our platform/ issue kind of thing was this stupid O.S.U. thing where we get the day off before...well something like that. I'm not a football person so I don't know much about what the dude (our candadate) wanted. Of course I'm fed up with the disagreements so I say sure why not? The thing that bugs me though is that everyone said that they didn't care what the main thing was...I was the one that said the environment and came up with this school recycling solution. But nooooo it doesn't matter. It really bothers me. We could have actually made a difference. Luckily today was different. We were given a small sheet of paper to list off 7 things our group 'agrees' with. Environment made it on there. :) I wish people could care more about the important things in life. I'm not saying that their hobbies and loves aren't importnant they most certainly are but...we...you know what I mean. There are certain things in this world that I believe people should be more educated on. No one cares about education, about the environment, logic...I...ARG! Don't they see how gifted they are? How much they have and what all they can do with it?! What we can acomplish?!

    Well I'm trying to control how I vocalize my feelings towards those whom are...Well...Stupid...After a conversation in my tutoring (study hall) session/class I've decided to be more careful about the words I select to describe the idiots. Instead of saying I look down on stupid people. I'll try to be more polite to them and say something like....There are things that we all have the ability to do and I do not aprove of those that do not try or make up excuses. Something more like that sounds more respectful. I usually keep my mouth shut but was angry then...I felt such strong emotions knowing all of the...things...they do...the drinking, the sex, the cheating, the excuses...it's disgusting. This one fellow was talking about all of the girls he gets and I simply called him a harlot. He's a little man whore. He is no pimp he is a slut. It is the same for females. Well I have to go my dad needs on. C ya.

    On 10/31/07, phillip shepherd <goraiowa@yahoo.com> wrote:
    I think that everyone sees things through thier own eyes.. through what has demanded importance in thier life... through what we are raised on, and the values we hold... my strongest belief is that the heart of a human and thier motives, should be treated with the utmost gentleness.... you never know how one person can be fragile in one area of thier life.. untill you put them down or critisize them about it. and assumptions... they can hurt the worst.. the image we see of another person.. even the words that they express, could have meant something different, or they could have never wanted to say those things at all... you never know what pushes people to do what they do.. we could guess, we could try to nail down the human nature... but there are always personal reasons to why we do everything the way we do....
    when you had such a heart to stand and speak up about something you think would have been helpfull.. people could have taken you for someone who just wanted to be the center of attention... but really your motives where pure.. but they dont know that.. so maybe that's why they werent so enthused about you school recycaling idea... it hurts to be misunderstood.... but that's my whole point, my friend Jen, everyone in this world are entitled to thier own opinions.... some are more intuitive then others.. and more inclined to put themselves in others shoes... and then you get people who, based on a crappy day, just want to write off everyone who's not important around them.... they are not exactly idiots.. they're just inconciderate.
    and you gotta admit... in a highschool environment, mostly everyone is inconciderate to one another... people could have thought that you where being inconsiderate in some way... i know it sounds crazy.. but other people have different views.. and we cant always guess what they are....
    so you might be wrong, or you might be right.... but the only way to find out for sure is to speak up about it.... dont ever back down...

    that's my stand

    ----- Original Message ----
    From: Jennifer Johnson <ghosthunter2@gmail.com>
    To: phillip shepherd <goraiowa@yahoo.com>
    Sent: Wednesday, October 31, 2007 2:57:35 PM
    Subject: Re: Hey man

    I know I feel the same way. That's what I try to tell other people and I know that people grow up based on certain things and much of the things I find are disgusting. I was actually teaching that lesson to a friend the other day. He came off as a real ass last year. He said that he's learned form his mistakes. I'm proud of him. I told him about me and how little things have affected myself. The smallest thing like picking on another person can drive them over the edge.

    On 10/31/07 Phillip shepherd goraiowa@yahoo.com wrote:
    you know that you could expand your thoughts on such a subject, if you take some time to sit and reflect on your thoughts.. untill you do that, this lesson that you share with me, will be premature on your side... you have to put thought into approach... especially when you speak up to your friends...just think about how you look like, or how you come across to them... that should be more then enough fuel for you to be cautious about your word choice and the tone of speech you use... and espcially your facial expressions and body laugage.... other wise you'll come off to be more of a spontanious, explosive emo... and i know that's not you.... lol.
    all i'm saying here is that it is very important how we approach people with ideas that meen alot to us... remember, first impressions are forever lasting. once you come across a certian way to someone... thier view of you will forever be tainted by what they have seen.
    now you know why i'm so carefull about my appearence... i think more about these things then you know.... it's scares me to think that if i had a close friend of mine that never knew how much they meant to me, and then they disappear suddenly, and i'd never had a chance to tell them how they affected me personally. so that being said... it's not good being silent... it's good to take the first steps.. like i'm doing with you now, to trust your friends.... i guess before i took this step into sharing with you my opinions, up untill now i thought of you more as a acquaintance... because i hadnt fully trusted you, baised on the way you came across to me and your first impression.... now you're showing an interest in wanting to know the more serious stuff about me... and i'm giving you the benifit of the doubt (basically, a trial run if you will) lol. so base on how you react to these opinions of mine, overall my decision to stay open and trusting in you, will reflect on the amount of care and understanding you put into your response. so, i'm trying to say, dont just put down any ol' words you might use to passerby when responding to me... i require more then that, because i now consider you a real "friend" of mine... and friends exert more effort with eachother then they do with the average person...

    i hope you learn something from these words i have faithfully shared with you... it's not everyday that i express opinions like these withe everyone... so that meens this is special.. and you should treat this occasion as such. not to be to serious and whatnot... but this is just the level on which i judge my "friends". the amount of heart and soul i put into my words... should be reflected in the response of the "friend" reciprocating.

    so there you go jen... my words for your eyes and mind... to take in and reflect upon... to wonder and dream about... for these words are part of my brilliance... because i have a brilliant mind. and i hope you know those last few sentence's where jokes.. you should know me well enough by now, that i'm not that pridefull... "brilliant mind"... what a farce.. lol.... *smiles* to you my friend.... becuase i'm excited to see what you have to say... thanks for wanting to know more about me... that makes me finnally feel the appreciation i always deserved but never got... thank you! *hugs*


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