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    Tanax Member

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    Life Itself
    To everyone

    The life is not a game,
    for some, it's a walk of fame,
    but for others it isn't quite the same.
    Maybe they have a funny name,
    and due to that they will obtain,
    alot of misery, crying and pain.
    Nope, if you think life is easy you must be insane,
    because what it really is, is a long and boring lane.
    Of course some good time you'll gain,
    and to throw them away is just lame.
    Instead, take a photo and put it in a frame,
    so you'll always remember it through sun and rain.
    What life is about is to get to main,
    with the fastest way, fastest train,
    heck, even with a fucking crain.
    But where we don't wanna end up, is from the place we came.


    Posted By Tanax | Aug 4, 2006
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Tanax, very good use of rhyming skills, the message was clear, and the last line summed up the pinnacle of the piece. Great Job!!

    Painted

    Poetic*Freedom New Member

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    interesting!...never knew there were THAT many words that rhyme!...very creative!_your point was LOUD N' CLEAR!...
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hey TANAX -

    Interesting points you make, but have you ever heard of the saying "Never forget where you came from"? What about the saying "You can never come home again..." or something like that LOL

    Anyway - I believe that's the goal of many - to end up from where they came... To be able to have that uninhibited & carefree innocence I call "the joy of naivete"

    Anyway - interesting write - Thanx for sharing :)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Aug 8, 2006
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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    hey my feelings about the whole poem really good except when you derialed and said fucking crane you see this creative traditional and John Keats the like never ever said fucking you see, but if you could just rhyme something else besides fucking crane which shouldn't be that hard it'd eb a very good poem

    Tanax Member

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    Thanks.
    Well.. I do not want to end up from where I came.
    Where I came, death and pain were a part of the day, the life I had was just.. aweful. So I don't want to end up there.



    And erik~, I wrote fucking to express the... anger in it. But please give me a suggestion of what to put there instead :) You're more than welcome to do that :)

    THanks for the critiques


    Posted By Tanax | Aug 13, 2006
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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    well I tried for about two minutes and the only thing that really fit sintheir and still rhymes is crane, so you could just say crane without the fucking part and it's be a resoundingly profound poem

    Tanax Member

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    Yea.. >.< Well :p I dno ^^ But thanks for the help :)


    Posted By Tanax | Aug 13, 2006
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I was actually referring to the innocense of childhood - I suppose, more appropriately for you: infanthood.... It's that place, before society has the chance to break down a child with societal bullshit - ya know? Innocense is key here - Like before the proverbial silverspoon was bopped out of our nose :coke: :)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Aug 13, 2006
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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    holy cow I never knew there were smilies that snorted coke you girls have every smily made don't ya

    Tanax Member

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    I see your point.. but I didn't referr to it when posting "the place from where we came".


    Posted By Tanax | Aug 14, 2006
    #11

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