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    Tanax Member

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    Extremely long time no see.. erh.. write. Had a writers block.
    Just finished this piece. I hope you enjoy it and feel free to comment whatever you feel like.

    Living a Nightmare

    I feel so empty and helpless, I don't know what I should or can do,
    I'm confused by everything inside of me and what I feel.
    I feel more and more lost every day that passes without you,
    everything's like a nightmare; cold, dark and surreal.

    I don't know what pains me the most of everything,
    the painful feeling of you slowly pushing me away,
    or the fact that I cannot help you or do anything,
    and realizing that I'm losing you more and more each day.

    Several times now it's been a close call,
    the pills, the razors, the cuts and the pain.
    It feels like you've built up this huge wall,
    and everything I try to do, I do in vein.

    I'm suffocating, I'm dieing, I'm falling apart,
    I'm crashing, I'm falling, I'm breaking down.
    The more I try to scream, it's breaking my heart,
    and the very thought of all this makes me drown.

    I've cried so much that I have no tears left inside,
    I'm empty now, I don't even know if I want to try.
    I don't want to run anymore, I don't want to hide,
    without you I don't want to live, I want to die.

    I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me,
    but ever since "that" day I'm constantly living in fear.
    I just wish I could make you realize, make you see,
    be able to tell you, standing you closely and near,
    because there's really only one thing I want you to hear..

    .. I love you



    Posted By Tanax | Aug 10, 2011
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    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    I missed reading you, bro :hug: I can feel your pain through your words, however, you've quite a few typos in there and well... after the first few stanzas the rhythm kind of loses track. My tip is you focus more on the pace, and the rhythm and the amount of syllables per line than on rhyming it. Especially when it's a personal piece, you shouldn't try and cage it with rhyming, if you get me =P


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | Aug 10, 2011
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    Tanax Member

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    Uh uh, yeah it's difficult when there's a lot of things I want to say, stanzas tend to get longer then. Rhyming is my thing, remember? :p Maybe I'm losing my touch.

    Ohwell, thanks for the feedback! Always appreciated. I'll keep it mind when I write another poem.. like in another 2 years, hah XD


    Posted By Tanax | Aug 11, 2011
    #3
  1. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

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    I would like you to read "Big Boys don't cry" only because I felt all of the lines you have written here in this piece when I wrote that back then .. I know why you say you would probably be coming up with a poem in another two years time, I know its because when you are in the eye of the storm, the avalanche of emotions you would try to put down on paper would scare you but trust me you can still write and let it heal you .. try storems, a story within a poem .. put your pain onto a fictional protagonist, create him or her like you so you can feel your character and then unburden your pain on your protagonist... this is just a suggestion it helped me, its my idea of living with pain and creating its purpose .. or else the tears are futile, pointless.


    Posted By JONATHAN | Sep 29, 2011
    #4

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