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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This is one of the latest of mine, its going to be published trust me

    What to do?, I have no clue,
    You've made your mind,
    almost out of view,

    I can't recall the shape of it,
    it knew my name like a fingerprint,
    it fed my desires,
    I was hungry for you like a tiger,
    When all is said,
    I won't feel better,
    I haven't heard such bad things,
    in such stormy weather,

    When its you or death,
    time permits either one,
    I feel so numb,
    time's begun to wash it all away,
    I can't even be happy on perfect days,

    When it rains it calls my name,
    its main objective is to rot my brain,
    lonely nights, surrounded by bright lights,
    who knew with all the action in the city?,
    I'm the only one out of view,
    not looking so pretty.

    Live With A Passion New Member

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    I like the way you described it, and your comparisans. The rhyme was interstingly good as well.
    My favorite line is "When it rains it calls my name" mmm I love rain.
    :D

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    the sad thing is the poems close to my real life,
    but yeah I talk about the rain allot in my writing, rain, wind, sun I'm very keen to the leemts i have whole pome sabout the rain if you wnat top reda them i'd be happy to dig them up for you
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Erik,

    This is a lovely, yet sad poem. Seems as if you are trying to find you way. You wrote this beautifully. I love the way you began with something almost out of view, then finished with yourself, the only one of of view. I love the wrap around connection. I also love the line of 'When it rains, it calls my name', very powerful imagery going on here. Please do find the poem about the rain, we all would love to read it! Great Job ERIK! Thank you for sharing! Take Care.

    Painted:girllove:

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    The thing about the rain poem I was thinking of its the starter poem basically the money poem in my book the one you'd say you'd purchase, I will receive the first copy this week i'm very excited about it but Andrew if you wnat to reda it there's a sample of it its called so many drops of rain at shaminosrealm you just have to follow the link ms.j so kindly gave to me for the book storms of life and then click on the book and so many drop sof rain should be there as an example for you to read, hope you do that and hope you both enjoy

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