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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    What happened to the music box
    two figures spinning in love
    weathered strings
    play a dying melody
    for you were
    the best part of me

    The music box
    only opens half way
    the other half
    closes more and more
    each day

    I will hope for tomorrow
    but for now
    the figures kiss (Good Bye)
    but never kiss (Hello)

    LW Barker New Member

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    Nicely done! Where did you find your inspiration for this one? :)


    Posted By LW Barker | Jul 17, 2006
    #2
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thank you Mr. Barker for first taking time to read this poem, then commenting. My inspiration comes from me painting the diary of people. This happened to be the diary (experience) shared with me by one of my students (11th grade). She was sooo in love; notice I said she was. She confided in me about her pain and dissapointment in her fella, and his love disappearing more & more each day, at the end of their relationship. Hence, the music box closing more & more each day. Surprise ending though, they got married, 2 years ago, upon graduating from high school!!! :eek:hmy: Yes, they are still married today, with a 1 year old little cherub, named Michael.:snog:

    Sebby JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This one should have come with a warning it's got me all teary eyed.
    It's so beautiful and so sad at the same time it's like ur saying what I'm feeling right at this precise moment..all i can do is hope that he decides to open the box again and not lave it shut for good.
    Fantastic poem Kim one of ur best imo.


    Posted By Sebby | Jul 19, 2006
    #4
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hey KIM - I am loving this piece very very much - It's really just a bit short of amazing how the last two lines really sums up such a TRUTH that most can relate too... It's like some sort of juxtaposition between what could/should be and what truly is... It's sort of sad, as SEBBY has noted - but it's so well written that I can't help but to smile. A kind of half-knowing, yet really wanting to deny knowledge - type of smile. Bitter, yet complacent...

    If that even makes any bit of sense LOL

    Yep - I've known this feeling that you've so amply and aptly described.
    At anyrate - This is a very interesting piece of poetry - I enjoyed this one!
    Thanx for sharing it.

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jul 19, 2006
    #5

    thelioness New Member

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    Reading this I could see the music box in my mind spinning. Very creative the way you wrote this and even more interesting because it was based on an actual event that didn't turn out as sad as the ending of this poem. Nice job on this one.


    Posted By thelioness | Jul 20, 2006
    #6
  4. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Ms Jacquii, L.W., Ms Vodka, and Ms Lioness, and Ms SS,
    Thank you first for taking time to read my poem, and then comment. Yes, the surprise, was my pen could not reflect the real life happy ending, since this is based on a real life diary. Unfortunetly, in my heart, I still feel that their music box, is indeed closing more and more each day. I sure hope I am proven wrong in the long term. Thank you all for sharing.

    P.S. I see ya Ms Lioness....I am sooo happy that you are here. Take Care.

    !*Painted Diary*~ aka Kim

    sagesweetwater Lesbian Novelist

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  5. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thank you so much Ms Sage Sweetwater, for taking time to read and comment. Did Cinderella ever return? LOL!!! Luv Ya'!

    Kim

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    I will hope for tomorrow
    but for now
    the figures kiss (Good Bye)
    but never kiss (Hello)[/QUOTE]Wow... I love this poem you wrote some time ago! I think it's an awesome write and needs to be seen again! Yes!! This one feeding on this one as it as fallen into my web and I'm feeding again!!:thanx: Nice Write!!!

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    Beautiful penning Painted but also sad when two lovers slowly break apart like the two broken dancers of the music box. awesome heart breaking poem
    hugs kisses
    bear


    Posted By Bear | Jun 3, 2007
    #11

    deep_poet86 Endless Rewind

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    I love this one so much, esspecially the ending, awesome read PaintedDiary!
  6. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Wow... I love this poem you wrote some time ago! I think it's an awesome write and needs to be seen again! Yes!! This one feeding on this one as it as fallen into my web and I'm feeding again!!:thanx: Nice Write!!![/QUOTE]

    Hey Spidy :giftrose:,

    Thank you sooo much for bringing this back! That was so sweet of you. Better watch that web, gettin heavy in there! LOLOL Love you lil brother!

    {{{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}}:)

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Wow very nice!
    Hmm...there's always a way when there's a will...

    how did they fall in love again?
  7. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Kim (Ms. Painted Diary): OH!! I love the title, so all the words. It is a bit sad, but lovely in all its contents. I was reading all the reviews, and I realized that all came out good in the end. Well, it is so good after all!! Lovely Poem, sweetheart!! Thank you for sharing your sweet talents with us!! Hugs. Fondly, Starry.:tybow: :girlkiss:


    Posted By stardust | Jun 8, 2007
    #15

    Jer4clarity Lover of Meanings

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    Crisp!

    Kim,

    Your ability to use the poets pallet and brush is exceptional.

    You set the visual stage

    you open the curtain

    and tell your story


    The first five lines are my favorites!


    Jerry
  8. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I've heard of but haven't seen, in person, that music box.
    I read your poem and was touched by the wistful thoughts.
    Really beautiful!
    Gail
  9. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Gail,

    Thank you so much for taking precious time to read and to comment. (Let alone all the things you are helping me with! ;)). It makes me misty to read that you were touched, and I am most honored sis. Then I know, I am on the right track. Love Ya!

    Kim:)

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