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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    If I could eat
    the wild green sage
    And fly
    through the big gentle wood,
    I'd rather be there
    than here in this cage
    If I could get out
    then I would.

    I'd fly
    up so high
    'till I reached the blue sky
    And spread my wings
    out so far,
    If I had my freedom
    that I wish that I'd have
    Things would be better
    than they are.

    I look outside
    the window to see,
    The sky
    so beautiful and clear,
    If I had a choice
    you know where I'd be
    I'd rather
    be out there
    than in here.

    If I had my freedom
    I'd fly
    with the wind,
    And smell
    the air fresh and clean
    I'd also be there
    with the trees that are rare
    And the grass
    in the meadow so green.

    Just sitting here thinking
    of things I could do,
    And wishing
    and dreaming this way,
    If only
    my wishes
    would really come true,
    I would have
    my freedom
    today.

    Jer4clarity Lover of Meanings

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    Sally,

    You've depicted the struggle of the chains of life so well. And the sky is so expansive. And all we need is "wings" to fly. But then there is your poetry which lifts us up with the power in your words into this freedom. Thanks for taking us there with you! My Fav:
    Jerry

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    Thank you very much Jer.

    As usual your poetic responses are truly a work of art as well. I sit humbled by your words. It takes a lot of polishing to create an imagery of this statue I am happy to know you have felt the depths of this poem.

    Blessings

    KayaOtah happy as ever

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    You wrote alot of poems regarding people's mistakes, yeah, children should be given more freedom, don't just lock them up, they will rust. *smiles*


    Posted By KayaOtah | Aug 13, 2007
    #4

    Nikos Tselepides New Member

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    Sally:

    Excellent work. I liked how all stanzas are artful variations of the same basic thought.

    Many thanks.

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    I like this

    "If I had my freedom
    I'd fly
    with the wind,
    And smell
    the air fresh and clean
    I'd also be there
    with the trees that are rare
    And the grass
    in the meadow so green."

    So many poets experience this wish for freedom. I'm sure it is the constraints of life, but also the necessity for poets to see life from an ultimate height and sublime perspective.
    You do that well Sally. I always look foreword to reading your posts.


    Posted By JolieH | Aug 13, 2007
    #6

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    Thanks everyone :)

    KayaOtah... your comments was certainly uplifting. This poem can be deplicted from many different concepts. It's very interesting to read what others interpet it to be. Great one!

    Nikos... Thanks so much for your most welcomed comment. It was greatly appreciated.

    Jolie.... Thank you for taking the time to read my work and comment on it. I sit humbled.

    Thanks everyone.
    Blessings

    Kit Carson JPiC Contributor

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    Sally, if you had your wish would you be soaring on a dragon's back? I love the feelings that you bring forth in this. By the end I found myself wishing that for you.


    Posted By Kit Carson | Aug 19, 2007
    #8

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    Thanks Jer.

    Ahhhh yes to soar in the wind on a dragon's back. To be so lucky to do that would be an exhilarating experience! I would definitely accept his hospitality.

    (Personal note) If one knows the rules of an OBE (Out of body experience) one can do just that. ;)

    Blessings
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Sally,

    This is what I am was going to express, and Nikos did it lovely. artful variations of the same concept! I love these lines, well I loved all of them however......

    I look outside
    the window to see,
    The sky
    so beautiful and clear,
    If I had a choice
    you know where I'd be
    I'd rather
    be out there
    than in here.

    If I had my freedom
    I'd fly
    with the wind,
    And smell
    the air fresh and clean
    I'd also be there
    with the trees that are rare
    And the grass
    in the meadow so green.

    those stanzas really hone in on the longing, the wanting, the I can see Freedom before me. This stanza was the opening....

    If I could eat
    the wild green sage
    And fly
    through the big gentle wood,
    I'd rather be there
    than here in this cage
    If I could get out
    then I would.


    and it was brilliant, set the tone, and I checked my wings so to speak to see if I am ready to fly. Sometimes we are the bars in front of us, and we are the cage that we put ourselves in. After reading this, if one is that type of person...they would want to try to fly...awesome!!!!!!!

    I am ready to fly now or am ready to see you fly after reading this. This poem reminds me of a poem I wrote called "I made a stop to repair my wings"....I might dig it out now. Thank you Sally for your usual brilliance in wordsmithing and craft. I enjoyed this immensely. Love Ya! An excellent rating!

    Kim ;)

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    Kim:
    Thanks for your kind words. I always love they way you express yourself with the most splendid comments. Just like your poetry and short stories. They are always a joy to read. I sit humbled Thank you.

    Blessings
  2. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Sally, this is a beautiful work of art! I love the subject because I feel that it's the most important in our lives today...for those of us who have freedom as well as those who don't...we either want to keep it, or we want to attain it. Still, nothing is free like most of nature that surrounds us...I feel that in this poem one is longing for that height of freedom...and reading it takes us there and we, along with you, yearn for the feeling of being absolutely free.

    Fabulous write! :rocking:

    Nomad
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hi MS SALLY - I like this poem - a lot actually - And it's something that everyone can relate to - in one way or another... I like poems about embracing freedom... Your poem has a hint of sadness in it though, as if that freedom is just out of reach by the tiniest of margins.... The last lines speak volumes:

    Ah yes!

    Today I dream that tomorrow
    freedom will embrace me
    in her warm arms and together
    we fly away.


    I like the rhythm of your poem as well - the meter is quite lovely and makes for a light breezy read - Enjoyable poem SALLY - Thanx for the sharing!

    Jacquii.

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