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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    O I care
    I care for every inch of you

    Okalaido,

    All I care
    all I care about is you

    Okalaido,

    O I'll share
    I'll share my bitter thoughts with you

    and we'll melt like honeydew,

    Okalaido.

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    actually the process was very simple,
    see Okalaido rhymes with the word you,

    at the beginning though the word came as like a Beatles song word
    you know how some of their song have words or phrases that aren't in the english language, and I watch my share of anime so Okalaido seemed the perfect word,

    I chose to make it a females name rather than an abstarct word because I didn't want people to think it was too abstract,

    thanks for the review very much Nick
  1. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Ok, reading your response to Nick helped me a bit. I'm still not sure though what to think of this poem.

    This reads like two different declarations of love.

    The first part:

    "O I care
    I care for every inch of you
    Okalaido,
    All I care
    all I care about is you
    Okalaido,..."

    reads like the 'I love you right now but let's see how I feel next week' love. A new love which is still not sure how deep it is yet.

    The second part:

    "...O I'll share
    I'll share my bitter thoughts with you
    and we'll melt like honeydew,
    Okalaido."

    reads like 'I'll hold your hair while you barf with morning sickness' love or the 'I'll say I do and really mean it' love or the 'Sure! I'll hold your purse and joke about it with everyone who makes a comment about it especially my male friends' love.

    This speaks of, perhaps, of a real developing love. Not many loves are willing to stick around after listening to the hard, bitter truths of someone they care about. Only a deep abiding love can handle that.

    I didn't get the Beatles connection until reading your response but then I was raised in a country music home so really didn't hear them that much. Reading it, yet again, I can hear the early Beatles sound in there. The later Beatles sound was a much more complex verse.

    Reading it out loud, it grows on you. What I really like are these two lines:

    "...I'll share my bitter thoughts with you
    and we'll melt like honeydew,..."

    Not a bad poem, Erik!

    hugs,
    Gail

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    yes Japanese would be correct,

    Gail,

    I don't know how I created the unconjoined parts,
    but I tried for cohesion but I made it quickly maybe too quicklly for that to happen

    solo New Member

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    very original name....and yes indeed it does read like a song

    I'm still laffing at parts of gail's interpretation'I'll hold your hair while you barf with morning sickness' :lol:

    not bad erik:)


    Posted By solo | Mar 27, 2008
    #5

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thats interesting especially because I'd ditch her like hotcake if she ever made me do that
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    LOL @ Gail!

    Dear Erik,

    This was certainly a unique and catchy poem, that reads like a song verse. I liked the name...Okalaido...and I liked the way you wrote "O" and not "Oh". Very different from you as I love when you give us new windows of you for us to look through. You keep us on our poetic toes that's for sure! I read this 3 or 4 times now...and now it is in my head! Very nice write Erik!

    Kim :D

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thanks Kim I wouldn't be happy with anything less

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