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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by FTD4KiNG, Apr 18, 2007.



    FTD4KiNG Member

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    I used to be on it...
    But now its memory diminishes slowly dying in its flames...
    I used to pull hard then deep...
    Damn.. I was on it

    I met my match to spark off conversations...
    Overwhelmed but yet intrigued by the scent of deceptive intent...
    Premonitions of yesterday flood my senses in depth...
    True indeed... I was on it

    Hence the first score of vision...
    Focused to slow drag illustrating my steps in her eyes...
    Hiatuses motions in a yoke...
    Yearning the humble trinkets arrestingly beading my heart...
    Orbiting my world.
    Her beauty i'm addicted... Thus I feel her!

    Though we rise to never try...
    Against the grain from the start...
    It makes who it seems there from tribal times an art...
    It's in your eyes... its in your speech... it's in your walk...
    Damn... I was on it

    Feeling the vibes... to what i've consumed...
    Heres to you...
    Most righteous manifestation of a tune commenced to bloom...
    Your presence in this room screeched the height only chalkboards could
    meet...
    I feel it... I feel you... savoring the mood you beseeched...
    Yet...You uttered nothing, confessing my dismemberment amongst a battle within,
    But you forget... i'm still on it!
    ReG


    Posted By FTD4KiNG | Apr 18, 2007
    #1

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    very cool I liked the poem especially the substitute for the commas
    some high quality thoughts here King

    Hugh New Member

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    Where to start

    First and foremost, I love the Avtar since it is from Calvin n Hobbes. Your words ring a heart felt moment a place that I know all too well. I love these lines by the way,

    Though we rise to never try...
    Against the grain from the start...
    It makes who it seems there from tribal times an art...
    It's in your eyes... its in your speech... it's in your walk...
    Damn... I was on it


    First post I read today and first attention grabber.

    Take care, Hugh


    Posted By Hugh | Apr 19, 2007
    #3

    FTD4KiNG Member

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    Hugh & Erik I would like to thank you guys for expressing for thoughts on this piece,
    I know it's different but it says something to me.
    Thanks Again Guys!
    Peace & Love
    King


    Posted By FTD4KiNG | May 8, 2007
    #4
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear King,

    I love the cadence of this write first of all. It is smooth, yet captured my attention from beginning to end. The beauty of the fact that the memory has not dwindled to ashes yet, for you still desire to be, and be on it! I also love the honesty, and words chosen to describe your emotional battle with this. It still seems soft, inhibiting, and shy to me if you will. Loved it!

    {{{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}}:)

    FTD4KiNG Member

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    Ahhh...
    The ever so lovely Ms.Kim!
    I thank you for that break down of what was written and yep you hit the nail on the head with your observation! Shyness is an old habit that haunts me everywhere I go!
    It's the one reason why in my whole time writing...
    I've made it to a stage once!
    Im working on it!
    Peace & Love!
    King


    Posted By FTD4KiNG | May 8, 2007
    #6

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    I'm on it too FTD4King!! I like this poem and the Spider ain't get'n off!! You rocked this poem!!

    FTD4KiNG Member

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    :missedya:
    Hey Spider...Thanks for the pat on the back!
    Any relation to Stan?
    Peace & Love
    King :violin:


    Posted By FTD4KiNG | May 18, 2007
    #8

    Tee Isn't Tee Lovely

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    I am with Kim on this one. I think it was very enjoyable form the beginning to the end.

    ~~Tee~~


    Posted By Tee | May 18, 2007
    #9

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    Of course King, I LOVE GOOD POETRY!!! By the way, no relation to Stan, Stanly.... but maybe Bruce Lee:nutkick: Who is he anyway? Does he live near me? Should I watch out for him, will he step on this Spider? :flickdry:

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