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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    i paint you a color yellow
    because you are sickly happy..
    basking in your glow of glory
    because nothing can bring you down
    i dont know if i would ever want to live like that
    i dont know how hard a fall i would take
    if i had my head that far up my ass

    the way people just gather around you
    like you where some kind of God
    the way your mood never darkens
    all smiles and chears...
    do you ever see the rest of the wolrd?
    do you ever see anything but you?
    or how you infect everyone with worship

    while i prowl around on the ground
    smeared in the dirt
    there you are, above all pain
    above all saddness
    above all mistakes

    above, in the sky..
    your eyes reflecting the sun
    damn you
    you havent even begun
    to understand

    TheBlackPoet New Member

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    the way i read this... i thought of myself as "the little person" who has no voice in a world where voices count...... all else is trampled... this is a very good poem for the voiceless..
    dont be offendend if i mis interpreted your work...
    but i'll bet with some good drum-beats.. this could come off really nice....
    i'm already bopping my head...

    oh... and i like that avatar!!

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    you got it down just fine bro.. that's exactly how my words where supposed to come across... so thank you for interepting it just right! oh, i've got a whole guitar solo and bass line to go with this already... i would be really interested to hear some beats though;)
    and thanks for noticing my avatar.. that's the first time anyone has complimented me on it...
    peace,
    phil
  1. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :wow: PHIL - perfect example of an insult poem... This piece actually gathers the readers' attention from the beginning mention of "yellow"

    I suppose the picture you've painted reminds me of that one movie (can't remember the name of it just yet...) where the peoples was just hating Jesus so much.... Possibly Jesus Christ Superstar... But the animosity in your poem is astounding - I do wonder what on earth inspired/motivated such a write. Interesting piece no doubt - and the title "On The Top" is quite interesting - I think perhaps it could be a better piece though --- if you'd brought in the color green as in jealous - and combine the two, ending the piece with a brilliant blue (sadness perhaps) as in yellow and blue make green LOL

    At anyrate - thanx for the sharing
    Interesting piece...

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Aug 28, 2007
    #4
  2. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    WOW ...... just WOW... such aggression.... and I wonder if the aggressor even sees beyond himself and the idolized one? We all see things from our own viewpoints. That is why we were given free choice I suppose. I would hate to feel like that about anyone or even feel that degree of hate. This is an excellant write Phillip.... I truly enjoyed this. Your writing really opens eyes.

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Aug 28, 2007
    #5

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    a thank you to both of you guys for being so darn observing... it's the only thing a poet could ask for.. true observation...
    i feel real privledged to have such fine poets compliment me on my writing... you dont know how happy you both made me...

    as for the poem.. just keepin' it real... i do agree.. i could have gone much deeper in my metaphor's and comparisons.... i just think that it flowed right through my head at the time... and what comes at the heat of the moment should never be tampered with... although i know that there are some cases where writes could definitly be more direct and expressed... i tend to like the way people add thier own feelings to the write when they read it though.. And the more direct i get the more personal i describe things.. when it's more abstract, it's alot more easier to relate to...
    at least that's my opinion...

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