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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by MsJacquiiC, Jun 23, 2006.



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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    one kiss
    forever sealed the deal of our souls
    just one kiss
    nothing grand (but the emotional
    firework displayed
    when the ring of our utter
    wet displayed like the shine
    of old Cadillac grilles
    became one) just one kiss
    one ring

    just one ring
    united the corruption of our pasts
    united the passion of everlast
    united the fire of mutual wish
    just one kiss

    when we truly became
    the envy that no cocaine
    could ever compare: the air
    within our one kiss
    that we shared, the two of us
    could breathe forever
    united in a horrible bliss

    we became We
    We became Us
    Us became united in a tormoil of reverie

    We became We

    breathe baby, breathe
    freedom :yes:

    Copyright © 2006 Freedom

    (yeah yeah I know - you like B!TCH who do you think you is that can copyright freedom - JacquiiC)


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jun 23, 2006
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    Jus_Be_U Jus_Tryn_2_Be

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    loved this...and thats all i need to say...i liked how you expressed the highs and lows of a relationship in a very smooth way...how in the end its still love and if we've made this decision to become us...then its us to the end...accepting each others good and bad...once again, i loved this piece...


    Posted By Jus_Be_U | Jun 27, 2006
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    shawnie New Member

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    Jac, this is an awesome piece. I really loved the word play in this. It is so true that kisses do all those things and you captured it beautifully.


    Posted By shawnie | Jun 27, 2006
    #3
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Jacquii, this was very intense writing here. The relationship is a vacuum-packed and sealed union. For better or for worse, yeah...powerful!
    Loved it!
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Wow! Thank you ladies & Gentleman -------> This piece is special to me, as I was recalling one of the most poignant and happy moments in my life!
    Thanx for commenting on this piece!

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jun 27, 2006
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    FaShaBaby Rhapsodist Pinay

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    Hello, Jac.

    The whole concept of becoming one with that person you desire is enthralling. Your poem shows that.

    "one kiss
    forever sealed the deal of our souls"

    those two first lines were full of meaning and very, very haunting almost. to have the deal of your soul sealed is infinite.

    and then, you mentioned:

    "the air
    within our one kiss
    that we shared, the two of us
    could breathe forever
    united in a horrible bliss"

    a horibble bliss, huh? that is powerful. this sounds like a bittersweet love story. something that cannot be but has to be.

    and finally:

    "We became We

    breathe baby, breathe
    freedom"

    i think that ending says it all. it's like forget everything, forget everyone, let's do us and we will be free. enough said.



    deep one, jac.


    Posted By FaShaBaby | Jul 11, 2006
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    EXACTLY! - Thanx for your comment FASHA - Very nice - I'm glad you liked this piece - And you defined the "horrible bliss" very appropriately :yes:

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jul 18, 2006
    #7

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