Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    mruss1 New Member

    Member Since:
    Jan 29, 2008
    Message Count:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Amherst,Mass
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    Only Time Will Tell.........


    The rain start to fall,the rivers swell,
    Fire approaches,it seems like hell.
    I've been here before,I know it well,
    What happens next,only time will tell.........
    The leaves change there color,as they prepare to die.
    The sun returns,to the bluest of skies.
    So many visions,get caught in my mind,
    I try to gather the pieces,of what left of time.
    I look at my friends and see parts of myself,
    I'm still the same,yet feel like someone else.
    Like waves that crash down,then return to the sea,
    The perpetual changes,yet I'm still me.........
    I toss a coin,into the wishing well,
    What happens next,only time will tell?
    I hear a voice,and can't help but smile,
    It opens my eyes,they see for miles.
    The rain keeps falling,but I don't get wetter,
    From this pace today,I seem to do better.
    Happiness that Illuded me,was just trapped inside,
    With nowhere to go,it needed to hide.
    But much like the sun,it always returns,
    Realizations,the things that I yearn........
    I just stumbled a bit,though I thought I fell.
    What happens next,only time will tell................
    Maybe dreams can come true,all you need is try,
    It's better than just going along for the ride.
    You've heard it before,it rings a bell,
    What happens next,only time will tell...........


    Posted By mruss1 | Feb 25, 2008
    #1

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2006
    Message Count:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Buffalo,New York
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    I love the way your poem walks a pace in (Time!) Well done sir!
    :topofthemornin::welcome3: to the JPIC Mark!!
  1. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2006
    Message Count:
    925
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canadian Prairies
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +52 / 0 / -0
    Hi Mark and :welcome1: This is a very well paced poem and I liked how the phrase "Only time will tell" worked to bring the poem along to its conclusion. There is only 2 areas I can see that maybe need a fix.

    In line 19 I think the word is eluded.
    In line 25 at the end ...... "all you need is to try"

    the addition of the word to would not throw of the cadence of your poem...

    Now other than those two things..... I quite enjoyed reading this. Read it aloud too. Thanks for Sharing :)

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Feb 25, 2008
    #3

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com