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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    The Patriot started as a revolutionary man that wanted change,
    to the Brit he was ill-mannered, hickish and kind of strange,
    and as he saw the win he showed to his kin, that even those,
    who are refuse to others deserve to be free men,
    the Patriot now has no way of seeing help,
    he's an extremist to those he fought for,
    when the lesser of two evils wins,
    its not long until the battle begins again,
    theirs always an ideal so pure that it'll soar
    until it achieves splendor purposefully,
    where men are made into dreams lies the Patriot it seems,
    as hollow and free, before the misery politics brings,
    The men who loved their country before themselves, made it that way,
    that your free to hear what both sides say,
    Are you remnants in disarray?
    or do you wave the flag as much as it meant to those who were,
    present in the Continental Congress,?

    Its not the same, the hero lies in an area gray,
    When we free your hands in vicious lands,
    infadel is what you say,
    While the Patriot ensues,
    he is merely amuse,
    of what society was like that day,
    I'll hear no more news of a world confused,
    and a nation thats lost its way,
    those brave and bold,
    can't realize it's too old,
    what freedom has brought their way,
    while you think its wrong, that fragile hearts get sung,
    instead of hung on garden gates,
    Is it too much to ask for you to realize,
    what the Patriot gave?

  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Hi Erik, first and foremost, it is good to take a break from life to enjoy what I love, and that is Ms Jacquii's Forum, and poetry!!!! This was something a bit different from you; a different flavor, if you will. I read a voice that has thought about political social change, past triumphs, and scars as well. One can sense the anger, the intensity, the abruptness of your canvas. I liked how you go from past to present tense in this; in my opinion gives the feel of the connection between past and present Patriots. The following lines are very strong and I thought quite fantastic Erik!

    The men who loved their country before themselves, made it that way,
    that your free to hear what both sides say,
    Are you remnants in disarray?
    or do you wave the flag as much as it meant to those who were,
    present in the Continental Congress,?

    The way you have written this appears to me, how it came across in your mind, in your thoughts, and in your heart...then painted right on the canvas!!! I like that, and can appreciate that! Like this is my first, revised, and final draft, take it or leave it. Raw and uncensored so to speak (just saying as a phrase, as you have no adult language in this poem).

    The "Patriot" will remain alive with this piece here Erik, and you have written of the "Patriot" in retrograde, however, the evolution is of your "Patriot" will go down in History! Nice Write Erik. It is good to come back to pieces such as this. I am awake and thinking cap on!! LOL!! Luv Ya' Take Care.

    Painted :smokin:

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thanks allot kim, well it was important to me and i'm glad I got it across clear
  2. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    *claps* I must say that you can be as abrupt as me, if a bit more blunt. I liked it, and I have to say that you can create as much of a stir as my pieces if this were posted in a different forum. Which from me, is a compliment.

    Your last verse, in particular seemed to be directed at people that question the validity of the war, the purpose in us being there. Not so much an attack, as a man trying to stand up for what he believes in. A good write.


    Posted By Sealiah | Sep 4, 2006
    #4

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thank you for your compliment sealiah, I am somewhat hot-headed and can rush to judgement too soon well allot, I think that our squabble was unfortunate and we should put it behind us I already have because of the sincerity of your note, we both like to push the envelope eh that should make us friends not enemies
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Interesting piece ERIK - a bit of a different writing style from you - Love the diversity that you have with the pen and/or keyboard :p

    This poem makes me think of the man who dreams of freedom whilst locked behind bars - He sings the songs of freedom, but really doesn't know wht it is...

    At anyrate - it also reminds me of a "poem" I wrote about the difference between being a Nationalism and Patriotism:

    Patriotism: Jazz has nothing on the red,
    white & blue of rock-n-roll -
    yet I would live.

    Nationalism: Nothing has anything on the red,
    white & blue of rock-n-roll and jazz
    or the blues dare not interfere -
    yet I would kill.

    Anyway - interesting write - Enjoyed the dexterity you showed!

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 2, 2006
    #6

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Like your poem better than mine mine yours is spicy
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :blush2: you are too kind :blush2:


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 2, 2006
    #8

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