Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0

    drving my heart like a slave-driver,
    Are you willing to please or willing to tease?

    hair like ebony beads,
    skin like the Earth when its birthed beneath your knees,

    Eyes that are passion blades,
    with surgical precision working over new graves,

    A feline divine, with the grace of an angel,
    and the attitude of inner fortitude,

    My mask smiles deeply,
    and it connects to my own face,
    to love a heart truly, who won't even occupy your space,

    Princess of the Nile,
    who's golden, silk skin is the greatest treasure short of Bethlahem.

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Erik! Hehe... I really liked this one, it made me smile even though it felt kinda bitter-sweet.

    "to love a heart truly, who won't even occupy your space," gotta be one of my favourite lines from this piece.

    Awesome stuff Erik, thanks for sharing!

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Feb 15, 2007
    #2
  1. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Message Count:
    5,998
    Trophy Points:
    198
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In a cloud of smoke...
    Home page:
    Books:
    2
    Ratings Received:
    +134 / 1 / -0
    Hmmm - this poem does seem kinda bittersweet. I am loving the 2 last stanzas ERIK - the stanza-before-last kinda through off the rhythm of the 2line vybe - but in a good way - Kinda mixed it up a little bit - just right enough to segue into what I think could possibly two of the greatest lines I've ever read in any poetry: "Princess of the Nile, who's golden, silk skin is the greatest treasure short of Bethlehem."

    That is some fancy piece of poesy DUDE!

    Novel: "My mask smiles deeply..." This is an exceptional piece of poetry ERIK. Maybe perhaps a little later I may tell you what it means to me ;)

    Egyptian Royalty right in our own frontyard perhaps? If only we can recognize it!

    Very nice - exquisite sharing!
    Thanx

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Feb 15, 2007
    #3

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thanks serenity,
    its more dreamy than bitter-sweet I think,
    but I can see where you could get bitter-sweet from the won't occupy my space line,

    msJ would love to here what it means to you, whenever you feel like,
    I feel really good about this poem and you know I only share the best with you guys

    Benny New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 20, 2006
    Message Count:
    716
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Western Kentucky
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Great work, Erik!!!!!!!!!
    I really love this one...lots of images for me to pluck out of these words.


    Posted By Benny | Feb 15, 2007
    #5
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    I want this poem...period!!!! lol

    {{{{~~~~***PAINTED***~~~~}}}}

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thanks Benny it was actually fairly easy to write,

    ah kim means I'm doing something right

    zaac Banned

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2006
    Message Count:
    583
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Erik,

    I'm not sure where this one came from, but its very different from every other piece i have read of yours. this has fire, it has wanton abandon, it has passion, and it has a heady recklessness that i think fits you very well. i like this a lot. i'd like to see more like this. perhaps if you threw off the vestiges of how poetry sounds in your head and wrote it the way it sounds coming from your soul, you would be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 15, 2007
    #8

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    intriguing zaac, so you think I should write like this?
    writing from my soul now you don't think I write from my soul,
    like i've been writing from what this whole time?

    Still I find it intriguing that getting someone to believe you write from yourself could be a lifelong adventure as no one really knows,

    most people have belived I write from myself,
    whether head or soul, its always a piece from me, so I don't see how you can dismiss some of my other poems so easily

    zaac Banned

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2006
    Message Count:
    583
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    erik,

    dont misunderstand. i think you write from your heart. but this one, as i said, shows fire in your pen. i am simply saying that this is is not so pensive as your others. In some ways I have observed that you are not so sure of yourself on many levels, and that is ok. But when you write about something with this kind of passion, all that gets tossed to the side and you shine brightly. Take hold of the fact that you write well. You write from your heart...now write from your soul.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 16, 2007
    #10

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thanks zaac I did think this way was different, all I have to do now is keep writing that way I guess, I know exactly what you mean zac most of my verses in the past have been apprehensive or self-doubting when i don't know what to right its what I rely on since thats how I live, so you see I must be changing since I know always where I write from not always what it means but my feeling and writing are one in the same,
    so this is very good not only for me but from my writing if I can write how i've always wanted to maybe be like I want to as well,

    thanks zaac you have allot of insight

    zaac Banned

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2006
    Message Count:
    583
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    just remember, there is no wrong way. as you grow in your writing, your form will grow with it. never be afraid to experiment. writing this piece should tell you that you are tired of the insecurity you spoke of. i was a carbon copy of that. you would never know it now, but when i was your age i was so insecure about myself, life, and writing i could barely function, so don't feel like you're the lone ranger. as i got older i realized that my insecurity was based in the fact that i thought people saw me as something other than what i really was. be bold, be tender, be you in your writing. explore, young poet, you have much to say the world needs to hear.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 16, 2007
    #12

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thanks zaac,

    I realize i'm just sick of feeling like that,
    I should make what I aspire mine,
    its not an over night process, but Now i think at least when i write it will be with determination and confidence, maybe it was just dying to get out of me,
    I'm sure great writing is in me,

    for pointing out what I should know zaac I now consider you more of a friend,
    if you weren't you wouldn't have pointed that out I intend to write writings that impress myself and fill my life with what I desire,
  3. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Dear Erik,

    You have written many a great poems...but this and Sunny Star have my heart!!! I know I am commenting twice, must mean it is 2 times as good as this 100th time I read it, lolol. ;)

    {{{PAINTED}}}

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thanks kim well I'm glad and grateful that i've hit a mark with you,

    zaac Banned

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2006
    Message Count:
    583
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    now you got it. a poet first writes to tell himself or herself a story or to help themselves heal...then they turn it loose to do the same for others. you will be fine...and yes you are a friend.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 16, 2007
    #16

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page