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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    My mind escapes if only for a little while,
    My thoughts have been burning coal,
    on what we are compared to what we were

    Excuse my proper sustenance,
    of what I feel is normal,
    Even in pen I'm affraid I'll get crushed,
    or trapped inside a word,

    If I add up my worth,
    I'm sure to make the best of me come forth,
    I've been at this awhile,
    yet I still only do it to make you smile,

    See I'm not the keeper of anything,
    or even the maker of my dreams,
    where I exist, is prone to silence,
    its their response to my crushed dreams,

    If I make myself so cool,
    or took to things good people do,
    perhaps this town won't seem so mad,
    and would be the opus to a grand exit,

    If you'd survived the storms,
    I've lived not just heard,
    you'd realize that my only hopes are in my words,

    then maybe this world wouldn't be so harsh,
    if everyone got loved just for being who they are.

  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Bravo Erik, and so very true. This is some powerful writing here. Ironically, people get trapped in their written and spoken words. At the same time, this way of communicating can bring about hope, love, peace, and etc. I love the message woven into this fluid poetic fabric. Thank you for sharing such strength and inspiration!!!

    Painted

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    yw its the kind of poet I am, might as well not deny it,
    glad you liked this one

    santui New Member

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    i think it's sad ...simple...blatantly honest almost on the brink of giving up. it kinda echoes how i feel..i love your words but i am saddened by how they make me feel.:nursing:


    Posted By santui | Nov 12, 2006
    #4

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    sorry if it makes you feel sad but glad you like this one,

    thats why I tried to end it positive

    Zeblon New Member

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    I like this piece..Flows well and is easy to grasp..One of them that gets better with every read..


    Posted By Zeblon | Nov 14, 2006
    #6

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thanks Zeblon if its easy to understand than I'm gald it was understood,
    what I realy like from your comments is it gets better the more you read it,
    thats a great quality for a poem to have when you post expect a reply form me and I hope you enjoy my comments and others here as well

    Amzy A friend, Well met.

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    Excellent work, Erik. And it is no dream, the town IS mad. I like the idea of having my mind escape, that sounds like something to work towards.

    Fake it till you make it, and make those dreams come true.


    Posted By Amzy | Nov 14, 2006
    #8

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    yeah thanks amz I'll try,

    the mind escaping can be a really good thing,
    as long as you don't let it escape so long that you forget its there.
  2. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    Wow Erik! I loooove it! It had a good rythmn, and the feel of an introspective dark man... almost like the great Poe himself! You gave it great meaning, and you spoke of a Truth that exists in the world. A truth often denied or ignored by those in power.

    Congratulations!


    Posted By Sealiah | Nov 15, 2006
    #10

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Sealiah I'm not compared too Poe much that's huge,

    yeah theirs truth in it I try to put some in it all the time,

    great review Sealiah thanks

    Benny New Member

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    Powerful! Words have the power to lead, to heal and to help...even in our own pain as we write them. You write from within your own life struggles and still cause me to smile...powerful words, Erik!


    Posted By Benny | Nov 18, 2006
    #12

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thats great to hear Benny
  3. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    HI ERIK!! WOW!!...I agree with Ms. Painted. It is indeed, a Powerful Message and a wonderful work of Art that you have written. I love it!! I especially like the Stanza: "See, I´m not the keeper of anything,
    Or even the maker of my dreams,
    Where I exist, is prone to silence,
    Its their response to my crushed dreams.
    If you´d survived the storms,
    I´ve lived not just heard,
    You´d realize that my only hopes are in my words.
    Then, maybe this world wouldn´t be so harsh."
    What an Awesome Message you have written, Erik!! Thank you for sharing your lovely Poem!! I´ll look for more of your work. God Bless You, Erik!! Sincerely, Stardust.:artist:


    Posted By stardust | Nov 25, 2006
    #14

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    great star if your to review another it should be my latest snow angels
    no one sreviewed it yet but thanks for your comments and I can tell form so many responses and yours that I did a od job with this one
  4. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    HI ERIK!! Yes!! You have indeed, made a great job with your lovely Poem!! Thank you for sharing it, and Thank you for your prompt reply to me!! God Bless You, Erik!! Sincerely, Stardust.:serenade:


    Posted By stardust | Nov 26, 2006
    #16

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thank you stardust your opinion matters too me,
  5. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    HI ERIK!! Thank you for saying that my comments matters to you!! You are indeed, a very good Poet!! I began to read your Poety, and I realized that your Poetry is so very good, indeed!! I also looked at your picture at the Face of the Artist. You look so good!! However, the picture is a bit too closed. We are not able to see the whole of you. Anyway, it is so good!! Thank you for sharing all your goodies!! God Bless You, Erik!! Hugs. Stardust.:clapping: :clapping:


    Posted By stardust | Nov 30, 2006
    #18

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    YA i DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD WANT TO SEE THE WHOLE OF ME,
    thats surpriseing, yeah being a good poet is something I enjoy so much but also learned along the way what to say and what not too,
    I go to my first poetry show today should be awesome, I'm not going to show off of course just enjoy the other poets,

    Nikos Tselepides New Member

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    "then maybe this world wouldn't be so harsh,

    if everyone got loved just for being who they are".


    I would have preferred these two lines together, not separated by the space.
    The space adds superficial emphasis on the last line, and it does not really need it, as it is strong enough.

    Otherwise, a good poem, and in parts it reminds me of the female poets of the mid-60's-mid 70's: Diane Wakowski, Kathleen Fraser, Vi Gale, Denise Levertov, and others writing at the time. You were not even born then, but their work is freely available.
    :goodluck:

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