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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


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  1. Tired

    APPHIA GARCIA New Member

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    My heart is as restless as the sea.
    Underwater earthquake-tsunami, rupture inside me.
    What can I do to stop my heart from beating so rapidly?

    Oh! The anxiety you've caused me.
    My heart races and yet my heart stops.
    Ironically, no heartbeat means I am happy.
    That's how powerfully your love affects me.
    A believer in love was never me,
    But a sucker for love is what you've made me.

    My heart is as restless as the sea.
    Underwater earthquake-tsunami, rupture inside me.
    What can I do to stop my heart from beating so rapidly?
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  2. Thinking

    Minellis'Vertigo Member

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    Hi Apphia
    reading your poem the line

    "Underwater eartquake-tsunami, rupture inside me."

    really jumped out to me. The word rupture comes across so cutting and harsh. The line really captures that tumultuous internal chaos we sometimes feel.
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  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I agree - and even instead of repeating the line the second time - I'd have used:

    Underwater earthquake; a veritable tsunami. Rapture inside me.
    Stop my heart from beating so rapidly.

    Or some such... May have even strengthened the concept of "restless love"
    A little wordplay never hurt a poem right? LOL

    Nice share Apphia. Thanks for posting.
    And nice to see you online Minellis'Vertigo ;)

    J.
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    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 21, 2013
    #3
  4. Tired

    APPHIA GARCIA New Member

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    thank you i always appreciate the comments and i will consider revising the last stanza very thought provoking comment
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