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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by jakeminick, Apr 3, 2011.



    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

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    The egotistical tendons tighten
    With each intake
    of orbiting elements.
    In this material waltz of burning fate.

    As energies entwine
    A light shines,
    Warming the bodies.
    Their dreams wrestle in a playful hate.

    The burning continues
    As they circle in sleep
    And the shining pries
    On the core of their sight.

    A virgin perspective
    With mirrored emotion.
    In the ocean of fire
    The chemicals fight.

    The tendons snap
    As intensity peaks.
    Pining for mass
    Of this most boastful fuel.

    The once warm glow
    Now, an emotional nova,
    Leaves the remains of a body
    For the blackened to pull…

    “Excuse me, could you please move, you’re stepping on my reflection…..”
    “Yes, thank you…..no, it’s ok, just don’t step on my reflection….here…please take this 8 by 10 of me and hang it on the inside of your head.”



    This poem is proudly featured in the JPiC Spotlighted Artist Showcase
    Wanna recommend a piece of writing for our showcase? Tell us about it then ;)


    Posted By jakeminick | Apr 3, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    From the very first stanza ==> Hot write. Nice rhyme scheme on the 4th lines. A really nice piece to take in... The last lines = I truly laughed out loud. I'm not sure how that all fits - perhaps a silly afterglow when a deep belly laugh is a must... hmmm....

    Alltogether though - I really enjoyed this one. Thanks for the share.

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 16, 2011
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    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

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    well thanks, at least i got the title right on this one. I added the last part because the ending seemed a little stale compared to the beginning. I tried to bring it back with the ol' cynical wit. If it missed, eh, at least it made you laugh. The last lines try to sum up that, sometimes in swift relationships, it seems like there is a competition to leave the other seeming to want you more than you want them. ridiculous games of subtlety i've seen.


    Posted By jakeminick | Apr 16, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Not a miss at all - in fact the last lines where so unexpected that it gave the poem a little more character. Yes - I know the games of subtlety very well. I hate them in fact LOL - but it's nice to see it written down in a poem. Made for a really nice ending.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 16, 2011
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    Gamaliel Teacher

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    I feel the power, sense the release but find the sentiment void of love. That, my friend, is hard on the soul of this romantic. Perhaps, that is the point. The thought is about power and not love.

    Keep writing.


    Posted By Gamaliel | Apr 16, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Interesting comment. I was thinking the same thing. The entire piece is devoid of perhaps a sensual type of love your everyday, "average" romantic poem would be marinated in. But simultaneously the passion is as intense as, if not more so than sensual passion.

    It's a different type of love - veering towards a more masochistic vybe. Perhaps that's the power you mention? I felt it too. The revolver boom as it were :guntotin:


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 16, 2011
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    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

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    thank you both for your comments. i really appreciate them. they made look back to try and channel what this piece was really inspired by. and, i suppose it was inspired by such circumstances when insecurities get in the way of love, while simultaneously pretending that there is honest love going on. maybe there is no reciprocation of true love actually happening but, it becomes intense regardless. so, through shared affections, this subtle battle of egos develops.
    that's kind of crazy you would mention that. i don't understand how that comes through the piece. maybe i've lost touch with the feelings of it over time but, this is undoubtedly inspired by two masochistic personalities. and, i suppose that would make a subtle battle of egos that much more complex. anyway, thanks. i'm sure this makes me look pretty crazy but, most of my poems do anyway. peace.


    Posted By jakeminick | Apr 17, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I suppose I'm familiar with the masochistic mind? LOL - Perhaps - I've even experienced similar scenario which evoked the same feelings? I don't know. But one thing I do know is that poetry, which allows the reader to have such emotion, is poetry well-worth-the-read ;)

    So again = Thanks for the share. In fact - I'd like to spotlight this poem on the JPiC Portal page, featured as part of our JPiC Forum Spotlighted Artist Showcase. I'll be PMing you with further info ;)


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 27, 2011
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    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

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    ...uh...wow, thank you(baffled). i really appreciate the recognition. :thumbsup: i remember thinking it was good when i wrote it but, i guess it's grown stale to me. that happens to most writer's i suppose. and, to think that i almost posted this in another "buffet" of works because i didn't see it "worthy" to stand alone. but, i suppose that's the way it goes. :crazy:


    Posted By jakeminick | Apr 28, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hmmm - idk - but I really like this one. It's an intense write. I'll get that PM sent momentarily ;)
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Okay - finally got around to it... Revolver is now proudly featured on our homepage and in our spotlighted artist showcase - A nice bio/interview included = good stuff!

    Thanks again Jake for letting us feature the piece :hooray:

    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

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    thanks again for the recognition. pretty cool. :coolgum:
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    You are most welcome! Thanks for sharing the sweet write! I'll put the link in the next admin email I send - so hopefully we can get more members here to check the piece out. But as it is - it'll be on the JPiC Portal for a minute and in the JPiC Showcase as long as JPiC exists ;)

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