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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by Sartor, Dec 21, 2006.



  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Sartor,

    This is killin me sir.....but I must have read this 100 times...and today, I get something completely different. I say Romeo is God or Jesus. Will explain later, still at work.

    {{~~**Painted**~~}}

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Jacquii.......Painted...Alltree......Stardust.........Thank you for your messages...and one of you.........as the saying goes, has hit the nail squarely upon the head !!

    The poem Romeo was a little project I tried mostly to see if anyone understood the metaphor. I am curious as to other Poet's thoughts on metaphor. Should metaphor be thinly veiled and so transparent that it is obvious to anyone with a working brain? Should it be disguised to a point that ordinary people have to resort to the dictionary to decipher various words? My thoughts were that metaphor needs to have a few simple clues embedded in the verse that brings the meaning clear without having to give it a lot of heavy thinking. I would appreciate each of your 'take' on the subject.

    Explanation of the poem 'Romeo'

    Poets, thank you for your observing, posting and playing this little game along with me. If you have comments after reading the following, please feel free to post them.

    ROMEO

    First verse: The reader is told that the subject of the poem is in a realm where no human can go. Therefore the subject is not human.

    He roams about in Fairyland
    where humans may not go
    and just so you can understand,
    I will explain it slow.

    Second verse: The reader is told that the air is filled with swirling colored mists. The mist is also a metaphor but will not become clear until the reader discovers what the subject of the poem actually happens to be.

    The air is filled with floating mist
    of multicolored hues;
    whirling shades of amethyst
    with alternating blues.

    Third verse: Here the information on the mist is expanded to say there are countless shades of colors, each having a different meaning and once deciphered (understood) the subject will have great knowledge about that particular shade.

    All colors come in countless shades,
    each shade a meaning holds.
    Deciphered it pays off in spades,
    if not, it then withholds.

    Fourth verse: Here the meaning is further expanded by saying everything, rocks, shrubs, trees and all else large and small has (and here is a huge clue) an aromatic cloud around it. (Aromatic......adjective: having a strong distinctive fragrance) One must keep in mind that we have eliminated humans in the first verse.

    Around each rock, each shrub, each tree,
    everything large and small,
    an aromatic cloud there be,
    slow twirling ‘round them all.

    Fifth verse: More defining information is the fact that as the subject roams about here and there he gathers certain information from these different colored mist clouds which are around everything and he begins to anticipate the outcome if the color trail of one that interests him is followed.

    The tongues of misty billowed cloud,
    encrypted information
    and as he roams he is endowed
    with much anticipation.

    Sixth Verse: The final verse holds the main key to the metaphor. Obviously he has a strong attachment to his home. The second line shows him (the subject) lying beside the flagstone hearth until the time to roam again. Ok...what would you expect to lie beside the fireplace in your home. I almost named the poem something like Bowser or Rover or Shep. Then I thought that may be much too obvious that the poem was about a dog. I thought of Roamer, which evolved into Romeo.

    Throughout it all he has strong ties
    to his enchanted home.
    Beside the flagstone hearth he lies,
    ‘till time again to roam.

    It is well known that a dog 'sees with its nose'. Their eyesight is as good or better then ours, but a dogs sense of smell is thousands of times more keen, then a human. As a dog goes about, he is constantly sniffing this and that. Many times he is merely checking the air currents as they carry many different scents to him from different places. He is drawn toward whichever scent gives him the information that most interests him. Being a master at deciphering different scents, the dog knows, among other things, there is a dead bird a block away, the Smiths are barbecuing a quarter mile away and a diesel truck passed along his location over three hours ago.

    The mists and clouds in the poem are the air currents and the colors are the different scents.

    Again Poets, thank you for playing along and I look forward to your comments on metaphors.

    Sartor

    P.S.....a tip of the Sartor hat and a pat on the back to Alltree.....she found clearly saw the meaning of the metaphor.


    Posted By Sartor | Jan 2, 2007
    #22
  2. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Sartor: I think, you have forgotten me, Stardust. I was the first one to play this game you asked me to. I said, at first glance that, your Romeo was an animal, because of your line: "he roams..." Only animals roam, not people. It is sad for me to see that you did not give me some credit, since I was right 75 percent. I said, Romeo should be an animal or something from mother nature. Then, I said Romeo is Sartor´s cat. Just go back and take a look at my first post, making comments over your poem. "Romeo" is indeed, a great poem and you are a talented Poet, Sartor. Congratulations over your work!! The metaphors are outstanding. The vocabulary used in this poem is for Advanced Level Readers. Some folks would need a good Dictionary to look up for some difficult words. It is not simple reading. It belongs to an Advanced Level Reading of Poetry. My little poems are so easy to read that, anybody could understand what I am talking about. However, I feel that nobody pays any attention to my poetry or stories, since I get little or no replies or reviews of my work. I wrote a couple nice Poems in the last few days, like "From the Loneliness of My Captivity", and "Repent of Your Sins!!" I wish, I had some comments. Then, I would feel a lot happier. I do feed back to other Poets in this Forum. I don´t understand why, they don´t do the same back to me. Perhaps, my poetry is worthless. Sartor: Could you take a look and read those 2 Poems of mine in Spiritual Poetry Forum, and tell me what you think, please??...Hugs. Sincerely, Stardust.:) :angel:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 2, 2007
    #23
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Awww - I don't want to play with metaphor anymore :p
    Nice poem though SARTOR - I new the minute MS TREE typed dog - that WOW! It was like what Oprah would call a "bing" moment LOL

    Anyway - enjoyed this one very much ;)
    Thanx for the share

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 2, 2007
    #24

    Altree94 VIP Member

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    LOL! Like I said - I wish I understood metaphors as well as I understand dogs! This was fun, Sartor! I really enjoyed the read!


    Posted By Altree94 | Jan 3, 2007
    #25

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Stardust.........not forgotten...and I should have mentioned you because you did say you thought it was an animal..and then chose a cat. I took cat to be the animal. Sorry if you felt neglected (huggggs) Now as to your poems.

    I went to the forum and read both "From the Loneliness of My Captivity", and "Repent of Your Sins!!" On the first poem about Captivity I kept wondering if you were writing in rhyme or free verse. Parts of it rhyme, parts of it does not. I found no meter in the poem which to me made it hard to read. If you are writing in rhyme and if I may offer some advice it would be: Pick a form and stick with it throughout the entire poem. Find a rhyme scheme that suits you and never deviate from it for the length of the poem. A simple scheme works best (for instance a ABAB) using four lines of iambic verse. A rhymes with A and B rhymes with B. A lines are Tetrameter (4 feet) B lines are Trimeter (3 feet). Each four line verse holds the same meter and rhyme. Second verse is the same only using CDCD, third verse using EFEF and so on. Here is a simple example.

    Sweet Stardust is a friend of mine
    Who loves to laugh and sing
    She writes a poetry so fine
    Of angles on the wing

    Break down of the four feet are:
    (Sweet Star) (dust is) (a friend) (of mine)
    (Who loves) (to laugh) (and sing)
    (she writes) (a po) (etry) (so fine)
    (of An) (gels on) (the wing)

    Sorry if I am out of place in offering this bit of advice on rhyming. I always write in rhyme and have not a free verse in my brain. If you do not want to write in rhyme please ignore the above.

    The second poem was no doubt free verse. "Repent of Your Sins!!" to me was a sermon from the pulpit. Not being of a religious bent it was something I would seldom read. I have no further remarks to make on it.

    As for people not making comments on your poems. No one gets a lot of comments methinks. For instance I posted two poems, Mystery Of Sorrows and Angel Of Death, a couple months ago...and received not one single reply on either of them. About the same time I posted "Come Sit With Me Awhile" and received one reply. Even though I thought they were all good poetry, no one else picked up on them. You see Stardust.....it's sort of a crap shoot on the forums. No one reads ALL the stuff posted. Maybe the moderators and Jacquii do, but most are just skimming through picking up stuff here and there. Some have certain Poets that they read all the time......others just do a hit and miss. Don't be discouraged. Study the art of poetry and learn to write it in the proper manner and soon you will begin to obtain a following.

    Nuff said. Thanks for the comments.........happy writing!


    Jaquii.......yup.......soon as your mind hit on dog........everything else falls into place. My little dog, Sidney, a Minni Schnauzer, was the subject that gave me the thought to write the poem. She is constantly sniffing the winds and defining the scents. I can almost see her brain working sometimes. Thanks for the remarks....have a good one!!

    Altree.......lover of dogs, definer of metaphors and a Canadian to boot.....thanks for participating in the post.........appreciate it!!


    Posted By Sartor | Jan 4, 2007
    #26
  4. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Sartor: Thank you so much for your outstanding reply and caring for me!! I shall always be grateful to you for your kind advice. You see, I would like to let you know a little bit about myself. I am not a Professional Writer or Poet. I just write the way it comes out from my heart. I´ll return back to you very soon. I´ll read your poems and write my comments. Just let me find them first of all...Where are they, please?? Let me know, dear Sartor!!Thank you in advance for your kindness!! Hugs and Love. Sincerely, Stardust.:air_kiss:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 4, 2007
    #27
  5. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Stardust,

    You can click on Sartor's name and then click (all posts made by Sartor), or....you can go to the top, and click on Memberlist, click " S " for Sartor, and prompts will come up about where his posts are. Take Care Dear Stardust!!

    {{~~**Painted**~~}}
  6. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hmmm, Is Romeo “love” filled with magic, therefore in Fairyland?
    Multicolored hues, amethyst and alternating blues signify “passion” in love.
    3rd stanza – love is individual to the giver – If the receiver accepts it there will be great payoff…if not, then it’s withheld.
    4th stanza – love is everywhere you look
    5th stanza – love speaks to each of us in language only we can understand – and we look forward to our love with anticipation
    6th stanza – love comes from God – Heaven the enchanted home. When love is needed, it is sent out again.

    Probably ALL wrong, but I wanted to try anyway. This is a fabulous poem, Sartor..and a brain teaser, for sure! Love it!

    Nomad
  7. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    SORRY!! I just saw after posting that I was still on page one and didn't see the other 2 pages of the thread. It has all been explained already :) and I am sooo late...anyway...pretty cool one!

    Poetic*Freedom New Member

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    WHO'S ROMEO?!...lol- it's four days into the new year (c/o 07 babay!...LOL).....and I really wanna know...as I'm not gonna even attempt at a guess!...lol.......
    ...

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    P-F.......the explanation is on page 3 of this thread. Thanks for the remark.


    Posted By Sartor | Jan 8, 2007
    #32
  8. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Sartor: I am back again!!..I have encountered some Computer troubles, which made me unable to come to this Site. You see, your Avatar is killing me with those eyes...I followed some of your good advice, and wrote a little Poem. However, I know, I am too far from being a Professional Writer or Poet. I could tell that, I write as a HOBBY and for MY OWN THERAPY. Anyway, I always try to become better and better every single day. I also write MESSAGES to the WORLD from MY HEART. This is MY PERSONAL STYLE, which makes me feel so special and unique, in what I am doing. I am also a Christian Missionary (a preacher) and a Messenger of God. So, it is hard for me to accomplish everything in my lifetime. Life is too short, and I am doing it all!! I also work with Animals and the Environment. I am a Conservationist. So, I just can´t do it all. I do the best I can. Of course, I shall review your Poems as soon as I find some peaceful time, but I am too humbled compared to your golden majesty. You are indeed, a talented Poet!!..I am just a Christian Woman, who tries to convey her message to the world. Believe me, dear Sartor, one day, I definetely WILL!!...Take care!! Sincerely, Stardust.:bravo: :bravo:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 8, 2007
    #33

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Stardust.........Each of us shall eventually come face to face with our destiny as we walk. skip or run down the path of our lives. To do the deeds that drive our passion is that which makes each of us unique. I commend you on your choices in life. Never allow anyone to tamper with your desire to achieve the goals you set for yourself, for those goals are the measure of your worth. Thank you for your reply and I wish you happiness and fulfillment in your ambitions.


    Posted By Sartor | Jan 10, 2007
    #34
  9. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Sartor: I indeed, love your style in writing poetry. Thank you for replying to me!! I´ll follow your kind advice. God bless you, Sartor!! Hugs and Love. Sincerely, Stardust.:violin:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 10, 2007
    #35

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Stardust....The advice is sound. You need but follow your heart.


    Posted By Sartor | Jan 11, 2007
    #36
  10. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Sartor: I certainly appreciate your writing back to me. It sounds like you are a caring Poet, just like myself. So, if you want to take a look at my newest Poems, you might go to Spiritual Poetry and find them there. I think, I included 2 recent Poems, written only with the beatings of my heart of hearts. I have no other Techniques whatsoever. Anyway, I do like my style. I write Poetry with a PASSION. This is the Unique Me!! Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...Hugs and Love Always. Sincerely, Stardust.:spaz: :spaz:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 11, 2007
    #37

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