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  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    She only felt the pain
    In ravages of time,
    Across the path she'd lain
    Midst all the dirt and grime.

    In ravages of time
    She knew not what to do,
    Midst all the dirt and grime
    She knew not what was true.

    She knew not what to do
    When taunted, tossed, and spurned,
    She knew not what was true
    From all that she had learned.

    When taunted, tossed, and spurned
    Across the path she'd lain,
    From all that she had learned,
    She only felt the pain.

    if you want to find more about pantoums, go here :D

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    this was very cool, i think the most orgaized likeable calculated poem you've done
    so keep going in this direction

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Erik!
    yeah...forms are cool...:]

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    Intresting Ann, it seem some folks can become intraped into the same web of troubles! Many don't seem to learn anything other than pain in a diffrent place. Your poem taste: wonderfully bitter sweet. I enjoyed!:doh:
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hey Miss Mango! I love the repetition and the form...so smoothly flowing...it slides like honey...couple with a flawless beat...this is a hard hitter! :sheep:

    Nomad

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thank you Curtis! Bitter sweet, it is....yeah, kind of writing about myself before *shrugs*
    Thanks for the read and i'm glad i gave you enjoyment!!! :yay:

    Nomad-*huggles* :huggles:
    I LOVE the form too :]
    I'm glad it hit the heart :heart:
  2. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

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    this is perhaps ure first poem that ive read and commenting on .. love it .. the form is perfect and the rhyming is perfect as if each line is made for each other .wot strikes me the most however is how uve so well put into words the overpowering intensity of pain.. been there . seen how it numbs out everything ...yea ! evn though theres this purpose for everything .. pain at times just denies its purpose ...love how uve portrayed that in this piece .. love it... JONATHAN


    Posted By JONATHAN | May 23, 2007
    #7

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thank you JONATHAN!
    I'm am humbled by your comment.
    Wow....

    *huggles*

    Benny New Member

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    Anna....what a well thought out work! Your presentation is right on and the repetition works great...a very nice work...and I believe the best I have read of your works so far...I am excited to read your next work. Very, very well done, muse. I love the subject, as everyone can relate to it...readable and poetic...all in one.


    Posted By Benny | May 23, 2007
    #9

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Benny!
    And wow...to think I wrote this in a 10 minute lunch period :]
    hmm. When i do the least thinking, I do the most heart.
    And that's what's important.
    First poem poem I've written in a while...
    Thanks Benny! *huggles*
    I am excited that you liked this work!!! :]
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hey MS YAP :p --- I thought this poem sounded familiar - I read it earlier actually in the Call For Submissions #3 - Very nice Pantoum - the subject matter quite serious actually, the style is right on point and the message = an important one.

    Thanx for the sharing!

    Jacquii.
  4. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I love this poetic form. It's fascinating how it's put together and I find it so interesting.
    You did a fantastic job, mangodroplet.
    Gail

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks MsJ!
    I really like this form.....

    Gail-Thanks for commenting! And I now feel accomplished! :notworthy: haha....
  5. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Ms Mango :giftrose:,

    I am lovin this little piece of paradise. :wow: You are spot on in form, repetition, content, imagery, affectivity, and execution. I believe this is the best piece I have read from you. Awesome, as I look forward to reading more. Thank you for this on! Loved It!

    {{{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}}:)

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks PD!
    *huggles*
    I'm improving :D
    yay....now you and Benny think this is my best piece....:]
    hmm.
    thanks!

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    Another excelent write Mango it flowed smoothly and is wonderfully written
    hugs kisses
    tom


    Posted By Bear | Jun 7, 2007
    #16

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks bear for reading !!! :wub: :]

    Jer4clarity Lover of Meanings

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    Anna,

    Not only did you (once again) stay true to form but you knocked this one out of the ball park. I just wonder what material you have from life that helped you write this.

    My Fav:
    Make sure you keep your sriting in a safe place !!!!!

    Jerry:scores:

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Jer....
    hmm. I've been doing a lot of delving into myself lately...and this is what poured out.

    Pain...lasts....even if taken out, it still leaves a hole.

    thanks for reading and loving it!
    haha.
    i swear, it's in a safe place-my heart :]

    Checkmate Member

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    cool post...like the pantoum form...just started experimenting with that one...really like the villanelle format...thanks for sharing this one.


    Posted By Checkmate | Jun 24, 2007
    #20

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