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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by lanaia74, Nov 17, 2006.



    lanaia74 New Member

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    There is a storm brewing in the air
    I must find shelter from my walk as quick as can be
    It starts to rain, the lightning so very sharp, the thunder so loud it's hard to bear
    This must be my lucky day, a house to the side of the road I see.

    I run to the porch, running to get out of the rain
    It looks like this house is lived in, but there seems to be no one at home
    The front door is unlocked, so I go inside to get out of the rain
    Things in here feel so strange, I start to feel a creeping feeling of fear.

    Everything seems to be in their right place
    But my intuition tells me a different thing
    So I decide to walk around as my fear I think I need to face
    Rationality and logic not fear I want to cling.

    As I walk around the living room everything seems to be fine
    Walking around downstairs, everything seems to be in place
    There is also an upstairs I am drawn to, I must make sure everything is fine
    This feeling I carry is so strange, this feeling of fear I must face.

    I walk up the stairs feeling queasy as I ascend
    At the top of the stairs I look around a corner and I'm not quite prepared for what I see
    A pair of feet, someone lying on the floor, BLOOD! no need to pretend
    MURDER! After I see this I am ready to flee.


    Posted By lanaia74 | Nov 17, 2006
    #1

    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hmmmm....I enjoyed the story of this but I felt like there was more you needed to say at the end....the conclusion seemed a bit abrupt I love the story though because it provides an amazing visual but I wanna know what happens after your thoughts of fleeing, I apologize if you didn't want this critiqued or corrected but thas how I feel about it


    Posted By KingAce | Nov 18, 2006
    #2

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