Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!

Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by ~Serenity~, Oct 12, 2006.



    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    Snow
    Very first snowfall of the year -
    You know I missed it so!
    But its turning to rain as it falls -
    Too bad!, it's city snow!
    It's awful cold out here,
    And the wind whips at my face.
    What happened to the snow I know,
    That took me to a better place?
    This is such sad snow,
    As I'm winding my way home.
    Well, I think that's my destination
    But I'm in the mood to roam.
    Home is filled with memories,
    Kinda like this snow.
    Right now, I don't wanna remember,
    I'm wishing I didn't know!
    My face is getting pretty wet,
    And I'm crying in the... snow?
    Or maybe it's rain, I'm not sure,
    My head is hanging a bit too low.
    Why am I still walking this path,
    Everything's gone cold and dark.
    Nothin' pretty left to see,
    I've long ago left the park.
    Stupid snow!, it's all your fault
    Or maybe I'm just loom-y.
    But with every falling memory
    I'm feelin' a little more gloomy.

    ~Serenity~

    First snowfall of the year, it was today for me! City snow really is gross!


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Oct 12, 2006
    #1

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    loomy a new word I see, this poem was great lines placed in their that
    are very great, I liked the analysis of differnet snow in here,
    most importantly the flow, and theme of this poem are perfect

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    yay! Thank you erik, it's great to hear such positive thoughts from a great writer like you!

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Oct 13, 2006
    #3

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    ah I welcome such flattery I try my best in writing,
    I'm no bser I liked your poem,

    so thats good as long as I don't let that great writer thing in my head,
    which I won't,

    great that we can get along so easily though
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Dear Serenity,

    I absolutely love this poem! To read the title alone...I first thought of something tranquil. What I read was a wonderful rendition of perfect layering, rhyming, meter, and Serenity uniqueness. To give the snow a humanistic quality, and saying it was a sad snow, set the theme and tone. Then to equate the snow to your emotions as you were walking home, layering each emotion along the way was superb. You placed me with you, and I love that. I also loved the next to last line....But with every falling memory...how lovely.
    I enjoyed this very much Ms Serenity. :bravo: :giftrose: Thank you for sharing! Keep'm comin'!!

    Painted

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    awwww thank you Ms Painted! glad you enjoyed it, even if the title was a little misleading :p

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Oct 14, 2006
    #6

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    761
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Wolf Creek, Oregon
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0 / -0
    Greetings Serenity ( I love that name)

    I enjoyed reading you poem "Snow" how surreal it is. Very well done and indeed very vivid. Thanks for sharing.

    Blessings
    Sally aka Forestdawn

    Altree94 VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2006
    Message Count:
    842
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Tyendinaga Mohawk Territory
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Hi Sweetie!
    I see you have another Smash Hit here!
    I think you're pushing it with the loom-y though.
    Loony is more like it! LOL!
    I really do like it - it is interesting enough to keep people reading through to the end. I had to laugh at the "Stupid snow" line - it just sounded so "you"!
    LYL,
    Auntie Tree.


    Posted By Altree94 | Oct 18, 2006
    #8

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Thanks so much, Sally! Surreal - biggest compliment I ever got :) Hehe

    Thanks aunt Tree! I know, I know, I didn't like that one word either. But I was stuck hehe. Hm... It sounded so me? Is that a good thing? lol :p

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Oct 18, 2006
    #9

    Amzy A friend, Well met.

    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Message Count:
    196
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Loved it, Serenity. Brilliantly depressing. Except for loom-y. I'll just toss this idea out for you.

    Stupid snow, it's all your fault,
    Your essence goes right through me,
    'Cause with every falling memory

    So many words would fit in place of "essence".


    Posted By Amzy | Nov 2, 2006
    #10

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    oooh! I like it =) TY!


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Nov 7, 2006
    #11

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page