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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by ¤Me¤, Dec 29, 2010.



    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Inside, in deep dark light
    Longing rests sound asleep

    On this lonely planet
    Vanity crawls in rivers
    Everchanging, never complete

    Yet again I find you in the dark,
    Only air holding you still
    Unable to speak.


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | Dec 29, 2010
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  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    A fabulously cryptic poem resounding with feeling and giving me visions of a dark lonely place where there is no control... *Me* .... great first read for me!

    Thanks
    Nomad :beach:

    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Thanks for commenting, Nomad :)


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | Dec 29, 2010
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I found this a pleasant little read actually. I liked the subtle rhyme scheme, not overpowering or forced and just enough to keep each stanza cohesive.

    I'm a bit perplexed by the last stanza though, I wonder who is the "you" and who is the "I" -- This could be my life in a nightmare: In love so deep, yet afraid to say a thing to my love interest lol - Well I suppose I'm not perplexed, just wondering how you knew the dream I dreamt last nite

    Nice write = thanks for the share AND Welcome back! :jpicrocks:

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Dec 29, 2010
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    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Heh, thanks for commenting, Jacquii. The poem was originally written for someone, so the "you" and "I" might cause a bit of confusion... And I have a talent of hopping into peoples dreams to steal ideas ;)

    Thanks again ^__^ I'm glad to be back.


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | Dec 30, 2010
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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I like it, 6 lines is very short for a poem though,
    however there was depth which is all a shoert poem needs,
    depth and simplicity
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Ha! Reminds me of the movie Inception - hopping in and out of dreams LOL - Excellent movie and Leonardo DiCaprio is always gorgeous ((swoons))

    I agree with E though - simplicity and depth makes for a sweet read.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 5, 2011
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    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Haha, yes! I love that movie ^__^ I was actually sort of "borrowing" a line there ;) I've seen it too many times already. Wonderful movie with lots of eyecandy *__* hah


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | Jan 5, 2011
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Just for that - I'm downloading Inception momentarily and will see it again tonite :p


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 5, 2011
    #9

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