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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by Mysty, Sep 1, 2007.



  1. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Spent


    Angry
    burning red sears
    across tightly shut eyes
    as words spew, rendering silent
    the heart.

    Tear fall,
    crystal quartz drops
    tracking silken aged cheeks,
    in crevasses worn too deep to
    soften.

    Promise
    for peace falls short
    as expected patterns
    show true colors of man's control
    as beast.

    A soul
    conflicted in life
    struggles alone to move,
    weary burdens weighing it down
    always.

    Futile
    to run away
    from destinies lot.
    Fate rules time with an iron thumb
    unbent.



    © 2007 Sandra Elizabeth Johnson


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 1, 2007
    #1

  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Angry
    burning red sears
    across tightly shut eyes
    as words spew, rendering silent
    the heart.

    Tear fall,
    crystal quartz drops
    tracking silken aged cheeks,
    in crevasses worn too deep to
    soften.





    Dear Mysty,

    :wow: What an intro to set the tone of this piece. At first when I read the title I thought of a relationship that after many years "Spent", seemed to dissolve or be just an illusion of some sort. I knew I would be witnessing a rich rendition (like a fine oil painting) of one's abyss of a soul. The words are so riveting that they seem to etch the heart. Also what I love about your piece is the fact that even the individual stanzas seem to be a poem and story in itself Mysty. So this series of "Cinquains" came together beautifully!!!! The message of pain and the result of a way of life governed by the "iron thumb" speaks loud and clear. However, I perceived the tone to speak louder than the voice here, and it woks beautifully. The execution is flawless and tis a poem NOT to read just once. I enjoyed this Mysty. An excellent rating!!!

    Kim :)

    Jims Inn Jims Inn

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    Wow Mysty … the imagery this piece conjures up is so clear and powerful that I felt some of the anger and sadness in it … so much so that my first reaction was that I'd like to reach out and give you a great big cyber hug …

    For me the five stanzas are as near to perfect as they could ever be and any revision or change would have to massive to make more of an impact on the reader than that which is already there.

    I think the final stanza is very sad carrying as it does a strong feeling of
    inevitability … no woman should ever be subject to the rule of an iron thumbs … whether it belongs to fate or man …


    Posted By Jims Inn | Sep 3, 2007
    #3

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    These are all very good Cinquain
    Mysty but my fav was:

    A soul
    conflicted in life
    struggles alone to move,
    weary burdens weighing it down
    always.

    I think because I can relate immensely.
    They were all well structured with good
    content. Muchly enjoyed, thanks!


    Posted By Moonchild | Sep 3, 2007
    #4
  3. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Dear PD,

    Hon You Rock!!! Love Ya.

    Dear Jim,

    Thank you and I agree. No woman should ever have to be subjected to feeling like that.

    Dear Karen,

    Good lord hon I hope you cannot relate too much... such a situation is .. well really and truly sad. I know.

    Love Ya's all.

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 3, 2007
    #5

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Well Mysty I have a mental illness
    called schizo-effective disorder and I
    guess you know what goes along with mental illnesses
    so yes I do relate much sadly.
    I really like your Cinquains :)


    Posted By Moonchild | Sep 3, 2007
    #6

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Mysty............Your poem, packed with emotional feelings, hints of just the right amount to give depth, feeling and understanding to the lines. Well done Poet..........your talent glimmers like a cut diamond amongst the gravel.


    Posted By Sartor | Sep 3, 2007
    #7
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    I agree with Sartor 2000% Mysty......you definitely radiate and are an inspiration to me and many...love ya hon!!!

    Kim :)
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hi MYSTY - what a lovely cinquain collection. It's so gloomy-pessimistic - Epitomizes the title Spent quite nicely. I like pieces like this as it makes one hope for better.... Of course I'm fond of saying I'm the most pessimistic optimist ever lol

    The middle stanza was quite nicely rendered:

    I found this most interesting really - It makes me wonder how anyone can dare optimism after seeing an especially horrid evening news...

    At anyrate - a very well-written collection.
    Thanx very much for sharing it with us ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Sep 4, 2007
    #9
  6. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Sartor .... wow thanks for such a glowing comment :D You rank up there too Hon.

    Kim..... All I can say is I love You Sis :)

    Ms Jacquii I am glad to note sometimes I am just like that too lol... I do try hard everyday to be happy and hopeful .... but somedays that hope just gets dashed down and trodden on. No way to revive it except to start a new day. I do know this ....... happiness is not something ANY one person can give to us. It is something we must seed and grow inside ourselves. If you want to know how ... give me a pm and I will tell you how.

    Love Ya's

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 4, 2007
    #10
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    hmmm - interesting, as I'm about ready to hit the PM button :p
    I was actually quoting to ERIK earlier the cliche "One must love himself before others can love him" And though I hate my life...... Interestingly enough I can see that I'm not the only one... So what is the secret MS MYSTY?

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Sep 4, 2007
    #11

    aliss163 New Member

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    That was deep 'Mysty' I could really feel the emotion in this


    Posted By aliss163 | Sep 4, 2007
    #12
  8. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Well Ms Jacquii....... I have been down....low...... so low the next step was death. I hated myself.... hated my looks .... who I was... and lol I did not even know who I was. I could not see why anyone would look at me and like me. I spent years taking care of sooooo many other folks, helping them with their own problems.. and mine just got shoved to the wayside. When I hit rock bottom ..... I wrote it out. And I shared it........ I was applauded. And stupid me I thought everyone was an idiot for thinking it was anything special. Then my Mother.... who loved me unconditionally got sick with Lou Gehrig's disease, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis. Being the 2nd eldest of 6 kids in the family... I was the one who was my Mum's right hand.. I learned from her everything I know. Then she chose me to be her helper... her nurse.... Chose me to show her fear and pain too. All my siblings... well they just bawled when they found out she was dying.

    Me? I was frozen numb ..... who would love me like that when she was gone? I pushed me back until I was only there for her. For 3 years I took care of her, spoke for her...and during all of it .... my siblings backstabbed me, accused me of stealing all her time and love and affection for myself. I was the only one who didn't cry on her shoulder. I let her cry on mine. I knew what she wanted to say when she wanted to say something. I tried leaving her alone with my siblings..... to give them time with her.. she would just keep asking for me. The one or two times I could not be with her.... I called all my siblings to see if one of them would spend time with her.... none of them ever showed up. I spent her last night ...... holding her hand all night long.. reassuring her when she got restless in her coma... till she finally died, and still I held her hand...... and I told her to go on to God because he was waiting for her.. Told her I would be there with the family until I was no longer needed.
    Well that happened pretty fast. That I was no longer needed. All the accusations came to the forefront again.... and even more..... like accusations I stole her rings... that someone had seen them on my fingers. I had to go around to all of them and show them my fingers.

    I had fat fingers then.... bigger than my Mum's were and I had to tell them "Look at my fat fucking fingers..... would her rings even fit on my fingers?" before anyone would believe I did not steal them. To this day they have not show up and no one has come forward about them either. I almost lost my family then. They almost lost me.. and they never even knew it. That is when I started looking at me. Inside me.... Started asking why did I hate myself when someone so wonderful as my Mum loved me. I tore me apart inside and out. And I learned things about me that I never would have believed. I thank God for carrying me all that time.. Everyone believes I am a strong person.... but I am not.

    I cannot read or hear in the news about tragedy....because I feel it and it drains me so much. I feel deeply ... the pain.... everything Jacquii. And now I know how to close it off so that I can manage what is surrounding me. I learned I am an empath....... and when I feel what pain is happening to those around me ... it makes it better for them.

    I learned I am a good person.... I learned I am talented.... I learned I have within me things to contribute to others... I learned I can help folks without losing myself..... and I learned the things I don't like about me .... are not as many as the things I do like about me. The things I like...... they outnumber the things I dislike now. And I am for the most part a happy person. Every once in a while I do get down but .... I am able to bounce back fairly quickly because I know I am here for more than just me.

    This is how I learned .... only I can make myself happy and what makes me happy is loving and helping those around me. I hope this helps you Ms Jacquii. Anytime you want to help hon... I am willing to listen. I do not repeat confidences or share them with anyone but the teller. Even if you just need someone to growl at :) I am here hon.

    Thanks for listening/reading :)

    Love You,

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 4, 2007
    #13
  9. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Thank You Alissa for reading and commenting :)


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 4, 2007
    #14
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Most difficult thing to ACCEPT! One of the reasons for JPiC actually - I'm greedy a lot of times - poetry is like sustenance to me - I SOoooooo! appreciate you writing me such endearing sentiments MYSTY! I'm not too open about the bullshit that I've been through - but it seems quite intriguing to know that our plight is so similar

    My Mama.... Whole different story.... Of course everyone in the family called my Grandmama Mama - if that makes any sense ---- She made the most delicate peach cobbler in Tennessee - and when we as kids (my loved ones and I) picked blackberries, we were in for a delicasy known only to the most loved of Tennessee Royalty - Mama cooked and satiated a house filled with over 11 kids - her loins was tired..... She passed when I was in highschool, colon cancer.... I've not ever loved many people since......

    Your comments mean a lot to me and I thank you very very much for sharing them.

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Sep 5, 2007
    #15
  11. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Ahh then You too know the loss of unconditional love. Once a person has recognized that...... nothing is ever the same. At the very least we have our memories hmm Ms Jacquii? They are very poignant and ours. No one can take that from us Ms Jacquii.

    *Hugs*

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 5, 2007
    #16
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Poignant AND PERSISTENT!
    One of my most favorite paintings Persistence of Memory - Dali!
    :huggles: And thanx for the poem ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Sep 5, 2007
    #17

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    Wow Mysty very powerful emotional excellent penning
    hugs kisses
    bear


    Posted By Bear | Sep 6, 2007
    #18

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