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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


  1. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    The pier's bell is tolling
    The mist is coming in
    Tides are slowly rising
    Vengeance for the Sin

    Her hair was molten honey
    Her smile sweet as milk
    Her eyes were filled with laughter
    And her Skin was soft as silk

    The boots click on the cobbles
    He smirks with devilish cheer
    The light flickers in his hands
    A smile - nay! A leer!

    One stroke is all it takes
    For one to meet their fate.
    Danger lies ahead for those
    That no longer make Him wait.

    His smile is a charming thing
    His eyes give him away.
    Devilish lights gleam from his soul
    Vengeance is his way.

    One life is all he seeks
    One reason for his mind
    But for those that cross his path too soon
    One breath is all their time.


    Posted By Sealiah | Apr 24, 2008
    #1

  2. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Wow, Sealiah! The meter is even, the storyline easy to understand, images so vivid! I love it!

    Gail
  3. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    Thanks Gail. I like to focus on imagery when I write, since that seems to drag people into teh stories that are written.


    Posted By Sealiah | Apr 25, 2008
    #3

    Smiley24_7 NOOB

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    I love the way you described the girl... she sounds beautiful and pure.


    Posted By Smiley24_7 | Apr 25, 2008
    #4

    zaac Banned

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    this was a cute and well done exercise on a theme. i wish i had that kind of patience.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Apr 26, 2008
    #5

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Good story, good meter and rhyme and good imagery.
    I really enjoyed this. It was well written.
    Excellent job!


    Posted By Moonchild | Apr 26, 2008
    #6
  4. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Sealiah...:hug:,

    Glad to see ya Sealiah! This was wonderful. Flawlessly executed, and spot on! Loved it! Those opening stanzas are fierce and set the tone beautifully. Rhyme, images, meter, and all that poetic jazz is to perfection here. I really enjoyed this. Ahhh...got my Sealiah fix...lol...love ya!

    PD :)
  5. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    LOL. HEya Painted. ^_^ I'm glad to have satisfied you again. I missed writing. We've been insanely busy at work, and I'll be disappearing for another month here in a few days. But I figured I should put this one up while I had a chance.


    Posted By Sealiah | Apr 26, 2008
    #8

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Very nice Sealiah,
    My daughter loves Sweeny Todd also. After she saw the movie, she bought the soundtrack, played it so many times, I dream the songs. lol
    Now she just bought the movie.


    Posted By JolieH | Apr 26, 2008
    #9

    SarahNSH New Member

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    Hello!

    I definitely enjoyed this poem that you have here... you started it off with the first stanza really well and with strong imagery. My favorite line in the first stanza is the last two. That first stanza just grabbed my attention and made me want to read more. I think that the descriptions of the girl are great and I enjoyed how you used different metaphors to describe her physical appearance. I like how these lines:
    One stroke is all it takes
    For one to meet their fate.
    -
    One breath is all their time.


    tie together with each other and it makes a great ending to your poem too. Anywho, I'm glad I came across this poem and keep on writing!


    Posted By SarahNSH | Apr 27, 2008
    #10

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