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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    mbironneau Member

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    This is one of my first attempts to write poetry. I wrote it after reading Goethe's "The first night of the Walpurgis".

    The First Dawn of Spring


    The golden chariot of Helios is risen
    From depths forgot' by the slits of the earth;
    Cajoles the greens 'till frost recedes,
    Brings mirth to drowsy meads.

    Grass grown pale and flow'rs in mourning
    Coldly salute the warm, transcending gleam;
    Leaves bristling, rustling in fresh air,
    Awaken the wood from the last nights' despair.

    A cockerel cries to life and death, alike;
    The Easterly winds softly rattle the burgeons
    Of oaks and pines, and rows of vines,
    Freed from last ice by the heavens' shine.

    Numb├Ęd corpses of creatures' souls
    Then chain'd by slumber to fragile nests,
    Slowly crawl to affairs the morrow brought;
    A final day of agony in a war long fought.


    Michael Bironneau


    Posted By mbironneau | Sep 14, 2006
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    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This is veryminteresting poem, it made me believe that you were kinda describing scenery from a medevil place. It was very beautiful and produced a massive amount of imagery that helps the imagination illustrate the story...;Thank You


    Posted By KingAce | Sep 17, 2006
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  1. Malnourished

    Ariono-jovan Labu Member

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    i enjoyed the fluidity this canvas artist. some pristine imagery you've captured toped with the end rhyme made for a fabuloso read. one-

    Altree94 VIP Member

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    No waaaayyyyy! Your FIRST attempt? This is amazing and I love the unusual rhyme scheme (abcc)! Great job - keep posting, PLEASE!


    Posted By Altree94 | Oct 4, 2006
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  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    OK, you say first attempt.....then I should stop writing now! This was amazing, unique, and has a style all its own. Awesome!!!! Thank you for posting!!!

    Painted ;)

    mbironneau Member

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    Sorry I took so long to get back to you, everyone.

    Thanks for the encouragement, KingAce. You're right, I did want to create a bit of a medieval atmosphere. BTW, I loved "A chance". Fantastic.

    Hi, Altree. No, it wasn't quite my first attempt (it was the 3rd, if I remember), but thanks for the praise. I thought I'd try a different rhyme scheme, I'm glad you liked it.

    Hey Painted, not quite the first attempt, and pleeaase don't stop writing, lol--I love your work. But thanks a lot for the compliments.


    Posted By mbironneau | Dec 8, 2006
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    Storytime New Member

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    Great poem, however I'm quite dense, the last line didn't seem to fit.
    Spock would say "Specify! Are you a sad poem or a happy poem?"


    Posted By Storytime | Dec 8, 2006
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    mbironneau Member

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    Hi Sid, thanks for the feedback. I can see why the last line might seem to jump out. lol about Spock! But then again I did intend the mood to be at least a bit contradictory--after all, the first day of spring is the last day of winter, right? ;)


    Posted By mbironneau | Dec 8, 2006
    #8

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