Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    This poem is meant to convey an important message...


    We bury deep inside,
    What in our hearts reside,
    The secret that has not been told,
    Our true intentions will unfold,

    Slowly deteriorating, you’re unaware,
    Not saying that you never care,
    But there comes a point, we need assistance,
    On your part a bit of persistence,

    We all claim that we’re all right,
    We hide from you our inner fight,
    Happiness and a smile, is all we display,
    But the real truth will have you in dismay,

    We hang from a string; so fragile and thin,
    Suicide creeping closer within,
    We struggle and fight, everyday,
    Cuts, scars and bruises is what we pay,

    Banging our heads; pulling our hair,
    Trying to release the pain up there,
    But it won’t disperse, no matter what,
    With a tainted razorblade we deepen our cut,

    Debating between what to do,
    More confused than you ever knew,
    Should we die? Should we not?
    On this subject we’re distraught,

    Alone we stand, Alone we feel,
    That death is the best option to heal,
    We haven’t a friend to tell us no,
    Or brighten a path that never shone,

    While we lie, we secretly speak,
    With lips trembling and a voice so weak,
    But to you we’re not worth the time,
    Shrug it off and say we’re fine,

    Is fine to you a suicidal girl?
    Ready to up and leave this world?
    Razorblade in hand; deeply carving,
    Suicides lust for death is starving,

    See only half the story; label us insane,
    Fail to notice our life in vain,
    Then act surprised when you get the news,
    That to suicide another soul did lose.


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 20, 2007
    #1

  1. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2006
    Message Count:
    925
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canadian Prairies
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +52 / 0 / -0
    wow Riha.. I would like to say all teens go thru this. And I hope you are not thinking of doing away with yourself. Believe me it takes much more strength to survive. Now in saying this Your poem is a beautiful cry for help. Anyone reading this can identify with these feelings. You wrote it beautifully. Very eloquent.


    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 20, 2007
    #2

    KayaOtah happy as ever

    Member Since:
    Mar 17, 2007
    Message Count:
    335
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Bedok Reservoir
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    'real story' is real?? wow,well, nice poem..
    but life isn't that bad... *smiles*
    just very bad, not extreme bad...


    Posted By KayaOtah | Sep 21, 2007
    #3
  2. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,980
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Location:
    Claremont, CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +14 / 0 / -0
    :wow: I gave this one a 5-star rating for content and style. VERY, VERY profound.

    We all claim that we’re all right,
    We hide from you our inner fight,
    Happiness and a smile, is all we display,
    But the real truth will have you in dismay


    The above stanza applies to SO many of us as humans who want to maintain our space, not let anyone in too closely, so we pretend that it's all good, then wonder why no one really tries to dig out the truth. On the other hand, we have become such a politically correct human machine in many aspects, we feel that because everyone is entitled to their privacy - it gives us a reason not to care, to just gloss over each other's feelings with a high shine of polite bullshit. We ask each other daily "how are you" not rally wanting to know, because our OWN situation is SO much more of a concern to us. Sometimes all we need to do is listen...

    Riha - u sure ur 15?!! AWESOME, AWESOME POETRY, GIRL!! :huggles:
  3. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Riha Riha Riha....omg......I will be back....and all of 15.

    PD :)

    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Thankies everyone for the critique ^^

    Yup i'm 15 xP

    And the real story, is real Kaya.


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 22, 2007
    #6

    Kit Carson JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    372
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Oak Ridge, TN
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Rhia, this is increadible writing and all too "Real" as I know these real feelings, or have known them at various points in my life. It is to be overcome, however. I hid it very, very deep so that no one ever knew, left no marks, except for the inward trails of the scars that never heal. I have had friends that failed and friends that succeeded. Hugs to you my young poet friend, hang around, we need your voice.


    Posted By Kit Carson | Sep 25, 2007
    #7

    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I think these feelings make us all stronger... somehow...


    Posted By Aumakua | Sep 26, 2007
    #8

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Message Count:
    174
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    painesville ohio...
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    you know i like how you portray the issues in your poem....

    i think when you feel that alone it is like you wish you could find someone out there that's got it right.... that has something more to offer then just selfishness... like everyone else who is just waisting space....
    the emtions inside at times like those... are frustration.. at least it is for me.. because during the dark times you feel like you have unwanted potential as a individual.... and noone cares what you have to offer....
    but how i escaped feeling hopeless about it was when i realized that i couldnt give a fuck wether they cared or not... because all that really mattered was that i knew what i am capable of... and that's worth the wolrd to me.. and i dont have to waiste my time worrying over why they dont give it shit... because that's defeating my purpose.. my purpose to keep moving on.

    thankers for some true inspiration here.. sorry if i sounded like i rambled a bit.. i dont meen to.. i just get excited sometimes.. lol

    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Don't worry that's not rambling ^^ and rambling is okay in my book i do it too often >.>;;;;

    OMG o_o Everything you said... so true!!!! This is why i love your poetry so much :3 I feel like you really get into the really deeper feelings in people that not everyone understands. It's definetly a better thing to not care what people think... but is kinda hard not to take notice either.


    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 5, 2007
    #10

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Message Count:
    174
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    painesville ohio...
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    do you want the real truth? let me tell you a big secret that huants me... this world is three fourths filled with dumb blonds (so to speak)
    those dumb blonds dont want to take the time or effort to learn the real joys of life... they would much rather delve into passing things like fashion, or gossip... or cable tv...
    instead of nature... solitude.. art (real art not fashion junk) and above all.. music.
    that's why i have a real aversion to those who think they're all that because they wear the latest baggy black cargo chain pants from Hot Topic.. or strap themselvs with a exsess of metal spikes and chains.. it's like they want to advertise thier suppose depression.. when they just like the style and the message and they really have nothing to be depressed about besides the fact that they're poser's who dont really have a clue...

    i think i've said to much *giggles*... i'll shut up now ;)

    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Lolz I hope you don't hate me xP Since i was born a blonde and i have my really blondish moments still. I also have those really baggy pants :D But my dad won't let me wear them outside Dx

    But i do agree on you with that. The people that follow trends and fads... wtf for? They're pointless and make the rest of us look bad .____________. Sadly they're aren't many 'true' people left in the world at all =**(


    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 5, 2007
    #12

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Message Count:
    174
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    painesville ohio...
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    no i dont hate you for being blond.. i dont hate any blonds... i just dislike the "idont know anything and i dont care to know anything, yet i still think i'm better then you" attitude. and i'm not saying that you have that attitude at all.. in fact you are just the opposite.. i just hope that you never hold back... that you always keep digging to find the truth and look between every line of every word.. because there could be something left unsiad that could change everything.. and you wouldnt want to be the one left out of that.. never lose your thirst for knowledge.. it's the best thing God ever gave us.

    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Yay i'm not hated :D Of course.... digging is the only way to find yourself =D... unless yourself doesn't want to be found o.o... different story >.>;;;;


    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 5, 2007
    #14

    deep_poet86 Endless Rewind

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2007
    Message Count:
    186
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    This is the first poem I read by you, I beleive and it was so real and had such a strong message. I know how that feels. From the time I was 14 - 17 I felt that way, then slowly things got brighter, but sometimes it falls apart. I am somewhat stronger now though, so its ok to have those fall apart moments. This was a beautiful read, esspecially since I been there and sometimes feel like I am still there somedays. Nice work.

    Gonna read more of your poems :D

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    I feel the way you conveyed teh feeling of a suicidal girl really added so much to
    what people think being troubled is, I enjoyed this, it'd be nice to get your feeling on another subject though, somehow I feel you'll even know more about what you hide from view

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Message Count:
    498
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    One thing I really like about this group is the acceptance and understanding the members have for each other.

    It's helpful to know that others experience similar dificulties and get the same reaction from the people who they try to confide in. I know in the past when things first started bothering me I tried to talk to friends and family. Nobody understood me, they just thought I had some depression or something. Then I felt worse. I felt sick to my stomach, maybe I am going crazy. I shouldn't say anything, now they'll look at me like I'm nutty. So I went to psychologist. She is a very nice lady and did have some helpful things to say but not a lot. I don't think she understood me completely, but she made a good back board, and I didn't have to feel like I was hiding any regret or secrets, I just got everything off my mind. I wanted to throw out all the garbage in my mind to be sure nothing was rotten causing this strange new emotion. She thought my confusion was partly my going to college late in life in addition to all the other pressures of life. Sometimes I believe that, other times it comes back like a food alergy of something.

    When I read you alls writing, I realize, I'm not the only one experiencing these type of difficulties, feeling different than the people I've always known. I always wonder what the cause is, why me, and that's when I get really upset because I fell deprived of the answer. Sorry to go on about myself, this is about Riha, and I wish Riha I had the words to make everything normal for you.

    Thank You Riha and all the rest for sharing, You are the all truely my favorite poets.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 6, 2007
    #17

    Bear JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Message Count:
    824
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    magnificent story poem Riha a true expression of your emotions through the ramblings of your mind. We all have been through it it well make you stronger and wiser
    handshakes
    bear


    Posted By Bear | Oct 12, 2007
    #18

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page