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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Sartor, Sep 18, 2007.



    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    THE TASK

    When comes the dawn, my final song,
    of this life will be sung,
    and when I leave, no one will grieve,
    no church bells will be rung.

    I loved you long, with passion strong,
    my wealth to you I give.
    Do not refuse, my gift to use,
    as long as you may live.

    The jewels, the gold, the wealth untold,
    are yours, no strings attached.
    My love was spurned and not returned,
    yet my love is unmatched.

    Let time erase, away my face,
    and all that once was me.
    With this sad rhyme, let ebbing time,
    wash out my memory.

    Have no regret, if you forget,
    my features through the years.
    You have no deep, dark pledge to keep,
    nor shed of useless tears.

    Know in the hush, of dawn’s red blush,
    when life from me has passed,
    I always knew, I loved but you,
    my love was unsurpassed.

    I only ask, a simple task,
    when life has cast me free,
    for like the rose, that blooms, then blows,
    my fate is meant to be.

    In yon bower, is a flower,
    of purest white it grows.
    The symbol of, submissive love,
    snowy white is the rose.

    Go there and find, a perfect kind,
    my spirit you will save.
    That pure white bud, stained with your blood,
    when dropped into my grave.

    The merest fleck, a tiny speck,
    is all the blood required.
    A prick of pin, can be no sin,
    to give the gift desired.

    Come day or night, be at the site,
    at the grave dug for me.
    Drop in the rose, the one you chose,
    the task will finished be.

    With rose and grit, mixed in my pit,
    my soul shall be set free,
    to play with stars, and isobars,
    for all eternity.

    Sartor
    9-10-2007
    • Love Love x 1


    Posted By Sartor | Sep 18, 2007
    #1

    zaac Banned

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    thats my absolute favorite of yours I have ever read and I have read more that are yours. It's very rare for me to call something a jewel. But this piece covers a wide spectrum of the functions of the brain. apparently when you wroite this you were running on all pistons. It 4 words to get washed away in this. the power...simple power is what makes is outstanding. this piece commands respect and a lot of it. i printed this one out. You made my poetic day/

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Sep 18, 2007
    #2

    Jims Inn Jims Inn

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    hi ... this is such a great poem ... it rhymes ... it scans ... it tells a tale ... its just the right length and there ain't much wrong with it ... oh and its romantic as well ... great read ...


    Posted By Jims Inn | Sep 19, 2007
    #3
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Sarton, another (I was going to say jewel) but zaac already did! lol! So, another that's got really great rhythm and beat and a beautiful, mournful...almost matter-of-fact stance on the issue of "love lost". I didn't get the feeling that the writer was pining away or anything.

    A little darkness lies in the message though. The final request "plea" seems to be bent on getting "something, come hell or high water" from the object of his affection...asking for a drop of blood is like binding yourself to a person...so in essence, it seems that if the receiver of the love follows through on the last request, they will be bound to the love-er forever?

    At any rate, a most enjoyable read!

    Nomad

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Zaac...........glad you enjoyed the poem so much. It does my heart to know someone else likes my poetry.

    Jims Inn........Thanks for your sweet remarks also...........I appreciate them

    Nomad.......you came very close to analyzing the poem. The man was making the request from the one he loved (who did not return his affection) He wanted to bind her to him even though it may only be upon his death. In a D/s tradition, the white rose is a symbol of submission and stained with blood that submission is forever. Thank you for taking the time to reply and give me your thoughts.


    Posted By Sartor | Sep 19, 2007
    #5

    KayaOtah happy as ever

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    Nice poem... So romantic..
    First stanza kindda remind of of the song 'obvious' which goes like

    I made it obvious...
    So finally I sing it...
    ...


    Posted By KayaOtah | Sep 20, 2007
    #6

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